Late again.  On the way to church.   Late and arguing again.  On the way to church.  This probably never happens to you.  But I am often late.  And when I’m late, I get frustrated, at myself mostly, but he doesn’t know that, he just sees I’m frustrated and late again.  On the way to church.

Greeter:  “Good morning!  How are you?”   Me:  “We are good,  well, a little late….  but pretty good.  Well, I’m the one that made us late.  Then I make it worse by …”  My husband interrupts my confession:  “My wife is a passionate person.  It’s one of the things I love most about her.”     And there.    He did it again.  He saw me at my worst, stopped me from going down the self-condemnation trail, and turned me around with a word of honor.

Honor.   We give places of honor to those we want to feel special.  We invite one to be a maid of honor to recognize the special place that person has in our life.  We give medals of honor to recognize those who sacrifice for others, sometimes their very lives.

Paul was speaking to the church family when he wrote the following, but I think it has to start in the most intimate of our relationships before it can be authentically given to others outside our marriages & families:    “Hate what is evil.  Cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves.”     Romans 12:9-10

Steve could have let me continue to confess my shortcomings.  He could have even chimed in and agreed with me.  He had a choice, and he chose to do the opposite.  He chose to honor, not because I deserved honor, but because he is honorable.

This is true honor:  to look beyond the behavior and see the true person you married, the real person inside made in God’s image, still in process of becoming like Jesus.   Honor sees who that person is, completely redeemed already, free from the hindrances of brokenness, and speaks that out.   Honor chooses to let the Holy Spirit bring the conviction, while you bring the encouragement that you believe in them!    You are for them!   You know who they really are,  even if they are having a bad day, or week, or year….

Honor doesn’t ignore there are problems, but honor protects your heart while you are working through them.  Honor presents you in the best light to others around you and stretches the tent pegs to give you room to grow right then and there.   Honor has your back when you don’t know it;   honor speaks of the good.  It sincerely loves, it hates the evil that torments you and it clings to what is good and true about you!  Honor stays devoted, even when you don’t deserve it.

Honor acts.   I love to make a big deal of Steve’s birthday;  to mark big days at work;  to plan ahead for big Anniversaries to honor the day and the years and the committment;  and God’s faithfulness.  But honor is not always this easy.  Honor is sometimes hard. Honor forgets about itself long enough to plan ahead and do something that will cause the other person to feel honored.  Honor sometimes costs us – it chooses to sacrifice self to honor another;  this is why they give medals for it. Honor the other ABOVE yourself.

Honor speaks.  Honor encourages.   Honor thanks.   Honor tells others of your best and your successes and your joys!  Honor is given, it is a gift.   Honor calls out the gold in you.  Honor waters the seeds of greatness in you, long before they have sprouted or have born any fruit.

And then honor changes you.  It causes you to want to become that which has been honored in you.  It compels you to believe that maybe you could be – maybe it’s possible.  Honor makes you think differently about yourself, like you want to BE that honorable.

We all go through times when we are not being our true selves;  when our behavior or emotions are out of alignment with who God made us to be and what is best for us.   Maybe your spouse has forgotten who they are.   And you have felt helpless.   But you are not!  Honor can remind them;  you can honor them for who they are, not for what they are doing!   Honor them for who you know they are meant to be!   Honor the good, speak out sincerely what you love about them, what you see that God has put in them!  How you see what they bring to this world!   They may just begin to believe it.  They will want to honor your honor.

God has honored us by honoring His word.  He has kept His word to us, He has continued to be faithful, even when we are not.  He will continue to believe in us and give to us and honor us, not because we are always honorable, but because He is.  May you partner with your honorable God today to honor the one to whom you are married.  Ask Him for ways to honor them;  ask them when they have felt most honored by you.  What makes them feel most honored?    Then go for it!  The more you water the seeds of greatness in them with honor, the more harvest you will reap together!!