“Nice to meet you.   And this is my bride, Lori….”   I admit it.   I love it.  I love it when my man introduces me as his bride.   There’s something powerful about choosing that word over ‘wife’.   What’s the difference, you may ask?

When he introduces me as his ‘bride’, I somehow feel young and chosen again.   It takes me back, reminds me:  like a bride feels on her wedding day,  it is ‘her’ day!   She is the princess of the ball, the queen of the day, the focus of all the attention!   Made by God to  display beauty in unique ways,  this is one of our favorite days to be and feel beautiful!!

As a bride, we are expectant and full of hope!   We are living a dream come true and dreaming a life yet to come!  We are beginning a new chapter, full of possibilities and full of faith in the man that we are marrying!    We are gracious!  We are thankful!  We are full of joy.

Now sometimes the word ‘wife’ can carry a different connotation.   At least that’s the difference I have seen in my own life.   Sometimes beautiful brides can become weary wives!   We begin full of hope and joy, and then life happens.    The jobs take time and energy;  the new house needs repairs and finances we don’t have.   The new baby is not sleeping, and the new momma isn’t feeling so beautiful at the moment.   The dreams we started with have collided with reality, and the strong love that could endure anything is being strained.   It is what it is:    life can be hard.

I remember just feeling cranky.   Anyone else relate?  Even in the first few years:  I didn’t know teaching seventh graders would be so hard, or that I would be so tired, or that we would fall into bed most nights without the fireworks we had dreamed of!  Within a few years, we had two kids, Steve’s hours at work were long, and my fuse had become quite short!   The beauty of being a bride seemed a distant memory as I didn’t feel very beautiful nor act it.   Sometimes, this crazy cycle is worse than the communication one.  We fall out of thriving mode into surviving mode.  The bride has become ‘the wife’.

Now we girls aren’t the only ones who suffer when this happens;  we tend to forget this affects our men as well.  (Yes?  Guys?) Truly the two have become one, and what happens to the one also happens to the other.   I’m guessing we girls aren’t the only ones missing our happy-go-lucky selves!   I’m guessing our men may be thinking, “Where is the joyful girl I dated and proposed to?   What happened to happily ever after?  Where did we go?”

Ready for some good news?  Steve continuing to call me his ‘bride’ helped change me!  It reminded me, season after season, that all the things that the word ‘bride’ represented were really all the things I wanted to be, who I think God designed us to be, girls; our true selves!  Even in the tough seasons, the busy days, and the hard realities of life, we can still BE brides;  we can still be husbands who proudly declare, “This is my bride!”

Words are powerful.   Steve has always been known to say, ‘We can use our words to either build up, or to tear down.’   I think the Bible agrees:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  Ephesians 4:29

Guys:  is your bride no longer blossoming, maybe wilting a bit,  a little cranky?  Words of life can be like a spring rain, nourishing her soul, bringing her back to life again!   Words of encouragement can build her UP!  “You look smashing, tonight, dear, ” and watch her stand up a little straighter!  “I read your article from work, sweetheart;  you killed it!” and watch her smile again!  “I don’t know how you do it, but you are an amazing mom!” and watch her energy level rise!    “And tonight, babe, I’m taking you out, so get dressed up and let’s go someplace nice!” and watch the twinkle return to her eyes.

And girls, this goes both ways, don’t forget!  Have you noticed your man looking tired, seeming distant these days?   Do you know how things are going for him at work?  Words of life, either way, can be a game-changer for your husband as well:   “You work so hard for us, honey.  Thank you for getting up and going day after day….”  and see if he doesn’t look up!  “I think you should sign up for that old basketball league you used to play in – your skills are needed out there!”  (and then go and cheer him on!)  and watch him start flexing in the mirror again!   “You’re sexier now than the day we married!” and hear him start singing in the shower again.

Could it be God knew we would need each other to refresh and encourage each other with our words of life?  Did he know we would need the one who knows us best to be the one who believes the best and speaks the best out of us?   No matter your love language, words of encouragement can truly change the atmosphere, and change the one you love into the one they were designed to be, but maybe forgot about.

And here’s the best word:  don’t wait for the other to start the encouraging!   Be the first to start the life-giving,  try to outdo one another in ‘building the other up’.  Be so intentional about speaking words of life that you don’t measure or wait for the other to go first;  and you’ll find a funny thing happening.   As you partner with the great Encourager , the Spirit of God himself, you will find a joy you had forgotten rising up within you.  You will be acting like Him, with Him helping you, and you will be finding part of your destiny:  to speak life as He has done for you.  Hopefully, you spend time each day listening to and reading the true words of Life from the Word himself. And you will feel His heart for your spouse rising up within you, and you will speak, and there will be life.   Encourage your spouse.   Build them up with your words.  Nourish their souls with truth and reminders of who they were created to be!  And watch them blossom and bloom, from wives to brides, from weary to waking, from deadness to life!

“And never let ugly or hateful words come from your mouth, but instead let your words become beautiful gifts that encourage others;  do this by speaking words of grace to help them.”    Ephesians 4:29 TPT