“I am not the enemy,” Steve said to me!      “And I am not the enemy, ” I said back!

We looked into each others’ eyes, smiled, and held hands.  And we knew it was true.  We turned our attention back to the speaker at the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference we were attending.  Little did we know how that one phrase would be one we would repeat over and over, for years to come!   Thirty years in, and we still need to say it, rehearse it, and awaken to it.  Daily.

Your spouse is not the enemy.   You may feel that she is,  that he is,  but they are not.   But you do HAVE an enemy, and he is real, and he has a scheme, and he wants to take you out.  As in destroy you.  And your marriage.

You may not be in the same kind of pain and situation that we talked about yesterday, but we happen to know from the feedback we are getting as this blog continues, that many of us do have pain, we do have struggles, and we all need help.   Let’s just say this out loud:  there is no perfect marriage.  There is not one out there that doesn’t struggle with its share of conflicts and hurts and disappointments.  There is not one of us married persons who does not get frustrated, angry, tearful, bitter, jealous, resentful, bored, hopeless . . .

And that’s when he comes.  The REAL enemy.  His name is Deceiver, and we talked about him yesterday.   He cannot control you, so he seeks to deceive you.  It’s his only play.  When you have a moment of feeling that hopelessness, anger, etc, he is right there to add fuel to your fire.  He takes your experience and whispers to your soul, “This will never change….   He will always do this to you…   She will always be this way.”   And you hear it, and you consider, and you have to agree, “It’s true.  This is hopeless.”   And he has you.  Right then.   At that moment.  As soon as you AGREE with him, you have chosen his lie over the truth of God and the truth about your spouse,  and you are in it.  He has set you a trap, you have stepped right into it, and WHAM – the trap shuts on you.

Now that he has a captive audience, he continues to whisper, “It’s becoming clear now.  Remember all the times he ….   All the times she…. ”  More Fuel.  More fire.   “It’s so exhausting.  No one deserves this.  It’s not fair.  There’s more out there . . .”  And you hear it, and you consider, and you have to agree, “It’s true!!!  This is not fair!  I do NOT deserve this!  I deserve to be happy!”     And he rubs his hands together in delight, and pours out the rest of the can, “God wants you to be happy.   He would not want this for you.  Face it, you just married the wrong person. . . ”   And you hear it, and you consider, and the lie has been upgraded to a belief.  “If God is good, He would want me to be happy, not put up with this.”

And you call your friend, whom you know will understand.  She – or he – will agree with you.   In fact, that’s what they’ve been trying to tell you.  (The Liar uses many voices…).   And you go to Facebook, ’cause right now you just need to know you’re not alone;  that someone out there cares.  And you wish they weren’t out there, but right here.

And you turn on your phone, and you make sure you’re alone, and you just go there.  The voice is reminding you, you deserve some happiness,  some relief from this endless cycle.  And the trap is set, and he rubs his hands together, and you access the site, and you step into the trap thinking you will feel better and find some freedom to do what YOU want to do …. and BAM…  the trap snaps shut, and you are captive, and no longer free, and the voice is laughing and pointing and inviting his friends to come on in and see this!   So Shame and Guilt come waltzing in, and they laugh even louder, and you need them to be quiet, and you can’t go back, and you are slave.    To the enemy.

“The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made.  One day he asked the woman, ‘Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?’    ‘Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,’ the woman replied.  ‘It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat.  God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it;  if you do, you will die.'”

“You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman.  “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.”  The woman was convinced. . . ”    Genesis 3: 1-5

The Deceiver came against those God made in His image.  Those God loved.  And God loves you, and the Deceiver still comes.   He brings just enough truth that you recognize it, then he twists it just enough that it SOUNDS like it would be true.   And while he’s at it, he wants you to question God’s heart for you.  He wants you to think that God is holding out on you, that He cannot be trusted completely.   And THAT is the root of all lies, and probably the root of yours and mine that we have believed.  

But the truth is, God is completely good.  And He is FOR you.   “And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, ‘God is tempting me.’  God is never temped to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else.  Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.  These desires give birth to sinful actions.  And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.  

So do not be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters.  Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change…”    James 1: 13-17

Here’s the truth:  There is a good, good Father who loves you,   and there is a Lying Enemy who wants to take you captive to do his will.    There is a WAY that is Truth and Life and His name is Jesus and he says, “Follow me!”  and there is a way that SEEMS right to a man but in the end it only leads to death.

More Truth:  If you are married to a person, that is the RIGHT person for you!  None of us are completely RIGHT, but if Jesus has made us new, He has made us RIGHT, and made it possible for us to be right with each other and be forgiven and be loved.

Your spouse is not the enemy.  (Can you recognize where the Deceiver has been lying to you?)      Your spouse is, however, battling against the same enemy you are.   (Can you see where the Deceiver may be lying to them?)

GOOD NEWS!!!!  His gig is up!  The curtain is pulled away, and you can see WHO the enemy is!  And you can look at each other, and come together, and face him as one, and tell him to GO, in Jesus’ mighty name.   The One who is in both of you is so much greater than the one who is in the world.    There is no match.  It’s all smoke and mirrors.  He is a liar.  He has no power over you except that which you give him by agreement.  So we ask God what the Truth really is, we choose to agree with HIM, and then we stand together – in prayer and unity and the power of the Holy Spirit!   Tomorrow we will look at how this plays out practically, in every-day life!   Making for every-day victories!

Let’s say it again:  You have nothing to fear;  we just have to be aware!  Fight the good fight, and fight the right enemy!   Fight for your spouse today!  Fight for your marriage!    Declare and agree with the Truth today, and it will set you FREE!!    ‘Cause good grief, the one who is in both of you is SO much greater than he who is in the world!

“But you belong to God, my dear children.  You have already won a victory … because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.” I John 4: 4 NLT