“I know!  It’s true – he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings… but I am so mad!  I can’t stop feeling so angry!!!  Why can’t I stop crying?”  All I could do was nod.  Yes.  I know.  I’ve so been there. I knew exactly how she felt . . . just last night I had….

Girls, we’ve ALL been there.   Guys, I honestly don’t know exactly how these things work for you, but read on, guys, ’cause even if this isn’t a common experience for you, I’m 99% sure it is for the one you’re married to….

I mentor and disciple and talk with amazing women almost every day of  my life.  The above conversation is so common, I can’t even tell you.   Like – this is nearly universal for us women.  Let’s be clear:  Our emotions are a gift from God.  They are given, I believe, to allow us to experience on so many different levels the goodness of God in all the blessings he sends our way.  God designed us women to feel deeply, to feel compassionately, to FEEL….

So, it’s not our emotions that are the enemy;  we don’t want to stop feeling.  Our emotions can clue us in to what’s going on inside of us.  When our emotions begin to be out of control- or rather controlling us – they are like lights on the dashboard of our car alerting us to danger:  something’s not right!  We need to pull over and look under the hood.  Stop and assess.  ‘Cause if we just keep driving, we may blow an engine – or something worse!  Here’s the good news!   We CAN pull over.  We can take action before damage is done!  We have the Perfect Mechanic riding with us and living in us every day to help us recognize, assess, and take action.  He has been given to us to give us VICTORY over anything that wants to hinder our joyous journey in marriage – and in life.  Married or not, this is good news for us today!

In my prayer time today, God popped this example scenario into my mind:

“WAIT!!  Eve!!   Hang on!!   Don’t take that bite!  LOOK!!  You think that cute little serpent is your friend, but he’s not!  Look again:  he is actually your enemy and he is acting like your friend by making it sound like he wants what’s best for you!  But he has never told the truth to ANYONE;  he is a liar!  Look!   See what’s happening here?”

And Eve looked again at the serpent.  And she looked at the apple in her hand…. and she chose to believe God’s warning over what appeared to be good…”

Wouldn’t it have been great if someone had stopped Eve mid-motion into her bite, and spoken truth that WOKE HER UP to what she was actually doing?   Obviously, she didn’t know she was being deceived, cause those being deceived are never aware of it, by very definition of the word ‘deceived!’  (pause.  You may want to read that again…)

Today’s blog is to say WAKE UP!!   Check this out!   Because that’s what God has been doing for us…  for me and Steve.  He’s been waking us up to the real battle and the real enemy and the real truth about life and emotions and marriage:

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places….  Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil.”       Ephesians 6: 12-13

Yesterday, we declared that your spouse is not the enemy.  Our enemy is evil and he is spirit.   So how do we battle an enemy we cannot see?

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension (lie) that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  2 Corinthians 10: 4-5

And there you have it:  that’s our battle strategy!   Every emotion starts with a thought.  Therefore, we diligently pay attention to our thoughts – what we are thinking about – to make sure that they are Christ-obedient = Truth, instead of lies from the enemy.

Let’s return to the young woman from the top of the page who knew she should forgive her husband, but couldn’t stop feeling angry:   ie. her feelings of anger were now controlling her and her thoughts, instead of the other way around.  It is not a sin to feel ‘angry’ (or any other negative emotion or thought):  it’s what we do when we first FEEL it that can lead to problems. We always have a choice!  We will either take the thought captive and make it obey Jesus, or we will be taken captive by it and made to obey it.

This battle is from the beginning:  “In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord.  And Abel also brought an offering … The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor.  So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. 

“Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry?  Why is your face downcast?  If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?  But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door;  it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.'” Genesis 4: 3-7

Sin here is a person – just one you can’t see = a spirit.  It is ‘crouching at your door’ and ‘it desires to have you’ or master you.   When you and I get offended, or disappointed, when we are angry or fearful,  the enemy will no doubt be crouching at your door to turn that one thought or feeling into more.  He knows if he can use your current situation to get you to agree with HIM, then he’s in.  When we agree, we open the door and let him in.  That’s when he ‘has’ us, and we have failed to rule over it.

Example:  Steve is late.  I look at my phone.  I send him a text.  No response.  I have a choice.  I can choose to remember that he is a good and respectable man who must have had something come up,   or I can give into my frustration and let it have it’s way:  ie. open the door.   It’s so easy to think, “Ugh. Why hasn’t he called!  Why can’t he just pick up the phone and let me know?   Why can’t he interrupt whomever is delaying him, and let them know he needs to go,  or at least needs to make a phone call…..”   And I begin to add one thought after another as to why I deserve to be offended and frustrated and angry….  And as soon as I ‘agree’ with this temptation of the enemy, I have opened the door to a SPIRIT of offense,  a SPIRIT of anger,  etc.   NOW, this has become a spiritual battle, and I am under the influence of a spirit that is causing me to feel overcome, over-powered, controlled by it.  (“Why can’t I stop feeling angry?   Why can’t I just forgive?”)

WAKE UP!  At THIS point, this is where we need to say, “WAIT!  Don’t take the bite of the apple!   Don’t agree with his lie!  It’s the ENEMY !   FIGHT HIM, NOT YOUR SPOUSE!”     How?  We:

1. Recognize what spirit has come in:  Name it.  (ie. Spirit of  Anger)
2. Renounce & break agreement with him  (I break any agreement I have made with Anger, known or unknown.  I renounce the lie that my man is uncaring, thoughtless
3. Redirect : Tell the spirit to go in Jesus name.   Ask God to take him far from you.
4. Remember the Truth:  ask God what His truth is instead?  (Father, what do you want to give me instead of a spirit of anger?)  And listen to Holy Spirit!!  Receive!

We CAN take every thought captive!   We can recognize when lies or spirits are crouching at our door!!  And we can ‘do what is right’ and MASTER that which desires to master us!  By recognizing what the enemy is attempting to do, we see our spouse in a different light.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by anything that is not of God,  anything NOT GOOD: depression, hopelessness, judgement, jealousy, fear, etc. . . begin to recognize this is NOT what God has for you, and stop and ask, “What just happened to make me feel this way?  What lie am I believing?   What spirit has just ruled/mastered me?”  Then go through the above four steps, and know that you have authority in Jesus’ name to be victorious!

Last, pay attention to what you say and declare about yourself, what you confess is what you “agree” with.     Example:  “I’m just highly emotional.  I just have a bad temper…  I just don’t have any self-control…  I just get depressed…”   etc. etc.   Begin to speak what GOD is saying about you instead:   “I have been given power and love and a sound mind.   The fruit of His Spirit in me is love, joy, peace, … self-control…  I am a child of God, made in His image.  I have been given the mind of Christ.  I have been made new.”  Knowing the TRUTH and speaking HIS THOUGHTS over yourself is what demolishes lies and truly sets us FREE!   Victory!

“And you shall know the Truth and the truth shall set you free.”     John 8:32