(Pictured:  Steve & Lori’s dating years ^)

They’d been dating maybe eight months or so.  They came to us and said, “How do you know when your differences are healthy, and when they are too different?  How do you know when you should continue to date and work through things, and when to say we have too many things to work through to be dating any longer!?”

We were impressed with their questions.  “Why don’t we grab coffee and talk about it?”

They were all in.  After a few of these times of discussion, they very intentionally made the ask, “Would you be willing to meet with us consistently?  We know we are not engaged, we are not anywhere near that.   But we want to know, we want good counsel … we want to date well while we are deciding….”

For Steve and me, having met with engaged couples for nearly 20 years, this was like music to our ears!!!   YES!  YES!  And a thousand times YES!!   Are you kidding?  This was our DREAM!    This was what we had been trying to promote, hoping to cast vision for, wishing that EVERY couple could proceed this way!!!   Truly, we are hoping this is just the beginning;  we pray they are starting something-  something really cool.

If you’re single, this blog is for you.        If you’re married, keep reading because we are all awakening to the fact that all of this is bigger than just your marriage and ours:  it’s about fighting for marriages yet to come, and the purposes of God yet to be fulfilled.

The best marriages start long before the marriage. 

The best marriages start with teachable hearts!   Are you single?  This is your time to learn!  Do you want a love that will stand the test of time, a marriage someday that not only survives but actually thrives?   Then this is the time to be building your foundation:

>Spend as much time as you can with Jesus and learn who you are in Him.  Ask someone to mentor you and disciple you as you follow him and learn your true identity!

>Spend as much time as you can in community with other Jesus-followers.  Learn to serve others and lay down your life in devoted relationships and sacrificial living.  Practice healthy relationships, forgiveness, and living in the light (nothing hidden).

>Look at marriages you admire, pick a joyful few you’d like to learn from, and ask if you can ask them questions and learn from them about relationships.  Ask. Ask. Learn!

>Pray and ask God to give you not only a spouse for your future, but a complete contentment in Him until that time comes.   Do not rush or force it.  TRUST Him to bring it to you in His time!  Get to know Holy Spirit and the peace that comes from His life in you.  His peace makes you most attractive to the opposite sex.   Desperation does not.

>Ask Holy Spirit to fill you with His joy- another fruit of His life within you!  This joy is constant, whether you are dating someone or not.  Your joy should not depend on others- but on Jesus’ love for you!  He is the true lover of your soul and the best friend you will ever have!  Joy attracts and is contagious.  It’s who God has designed you to be.

The best marriages start by choosing well:   

>Becoming friends, spending time in groups, and taking it slowly before dating has made for the most successful couples we know!  There is no rush to “date”.  Friendship is truly the best foundation for a great marriage in the future!

>When you do decide to date, choose someone who shares your devotion to Jesus.  This will be evidenced not just by ‘going to church’ , but by how they live their life every day!

>When you do find someone you think could make a good mate some day, know that dating is intentional:  don’t just give your heart away to just anyone, ‘just for now’, when you know they are not someone you could ever marry.  This will only eventually break both your hearts.

“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers.  How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?  What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil?  How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?  And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols?  For you are the temple of the living God.”   2 Corinthians 6:14-16

>Have trustworthy friends and mentors in your life who will tell you the truth:  honestly.  Before you even begin to date, (and potentially fall in love), ask them their opinion, “Do you think this would be someone good for me to date?  Would he/she help me continue to grow in my faith?  What do you think?”   And be TEACHABLE and humble enough to listen.  Consider.  And mostly, pray.   What do YOU say, God?  And Listen!  He LOVES to answer!  Even just one step at a time.  Getting good counsel is the wisest thing you can do:    “Through pride and presumption come nothing but strife;  But wisdom is with those who welcome counsel.”    Proverbs 13: 10      And keep asking for counsel and input as you continue to date.  This is really huge!

The best counsel we could recommend for marriages is not just Pre-Marital Mentoring, but    PRE-ENGAGEMENT MENTORING!    Just like the couple at the beginning of this blog, we highly encourage – if you at all possibly can – to meet with a mentoring couple BEFORE getting engaged!   Guys, ask the Godly men in your life what they think.  Talk it through.   Girls,  do the same with your mentors.   Then find a couple you admire and trust and meet with them consistently for a while.  Let them into your lives and share with them the ups and downs of your relationship.   Ask for their counsel, their wisdom, to pray with you and for you.   Be HUMBLE and TEACHABLE enough to INVEST this kind of time IN THE MOST IMPORTANT HUMAN DECISION you will make on this earth!!  (next to your decision to follow Jesus, of course!)    This decision will determine the course of the rest of your life, your children’s lives,  and your lineage for generations to come.

Marriage is to be a picture of God’s covenant love with us His people.  Marriage is God’s favorite and first way of spreading and multiplying His gospel and His Kingdom!   Marriage is a high and holy calling, showing the world who our God is!  Marriage should bring out the best in you, demand the most of you, and result in the most joy…. if you choose well.  If you build well. If you are teachable!  If you seek godly counsel.  If you listen to Holy Spirit.   If you trust Him enough to wait for HIS Yes!  

Tomorrow, we’ll look at some more practicals that can either help or hinder your single years and your dating life.  We’re gonna talk about God’s amazing gift of sex and the wonderful purposes for which he created it!    We’re hoping both singles and those married might want to check back in for THAT!