My friend Charis screamed, “Haven!  No!”  Her three year old little girl was pushing against the broken gate at the top of the stairs that led down to the basement.  Charis ran from the other side of the room, sure that Haven was about to go tumbling down the stairs, when 5-year-old Cade suddenly appeared and grabbed hold of his baby sister, rescuing her from a certain fall.   As Cade pulled her away to safety, and the two went off to happily play, Charis said, “Thank you, Cade, you like saved your little sister’s life!”

“It’s what gentlemen doos, Mom….”  and off he went.

Cade is going to make a great husband one day!  His parents are teaching him at a very young age “what gentlemen doos.”  And knowing this special young family, they are also teaching their daughters “what young ladies doos”, too, and preparing their young hearts to one day be beautiful wives.

Steve and I are convinced:  the best marriages start when you are little!!   At a very young age, children become very aware that ‘mommy and daddy are married’, even before they read any blogs on marriage!   Then they want to know who THEY can marry!  “Can I marry Daddy, too?” ask many little girls?   They begin to see something they know they want, or will want some day.

Parents!  This is just a little reminder today that the more you pour into your marriage today, the better chances your kids have of happy marriages in the future!

Speak Identity:  Call out your sons to be the amazing young men that God created them to be!  CHEER as they show those biceps, wrestle dad the lion, and become true gentlemen who give up their seats, open car doors, and protect the ladies from all harm!  TELL them that they are sons of their Father God, created to be strong and honorable … like dad!  That one day they, too, will have a wife to provide for and keep safe in the storms!  And that you are so proud of them for who they are.

Call out your daughters to be the kind young ladies that God designed them to be!  Marvel at their beauty, and even more at their thoughtfulness!  Tell them over and over how you saw that gracious act, that way they nurtured their sister, and the sweet ways they loved their daddy.  Tell them they will one day make the most beautiful brides as they too will fall in love and marry a handsome man, and be a mommy, and do amazing works for God in the world!

Parents you are casting vision and prophesying their futures with every word you speak over them.  Though make believe and dress up will always be fun parts of being a child, today’s kids need their parents to speak true identities over them!  (And some of the neighbors’ kids will need it from you, too!)   Teach them God’s design and plan for them, for marriage, and for families from day one.

Model well:  The way you love and respect one another now is being seared into little minds of those who will need to love and respect one day.   Girls, the way you talk to your husbands now will be mimicked by your daughters to their husbands one day.  Guys, the ways you serve and care for your wife’s needs above your own will create honorable young men who grow into husbands who will do the same.

Foundation is key:  When our boys were little, we tried to take a little couples’ get-away 3-4 times a year.  It didn’t matter if we went to a state park or to a hotel in downtown Indy; the point was to get-away without the kids, to focus on each other, and refresh the bonds of marriage often.   This not only strengthened our marriage during those busy years, it was also modeling to our kids that mom and dad have a special relationship that they invest in and make time for and need to treat as special.  It helped that the ‘grandparents’ were willing and gracious to help us with these;  but even if you don’t have that option, find other couples early on whom you can switch out with, taking care of the kids for each other.

Honestly, the most loving thing you can do for your kids is to love each other well.  The healthiest thing you can do to insure their hearts are secure is to invest in the foundation of your marriage.  Kids can tell when things are not right between mom and dad, and their greatest fear is that it won’t be made right.  The more you can authentically ‘make it right’ with your spouse and assure the kids that mommy and daddy love each other very much, and that you’re not going anywhere, the more stable your little ones will be.  So instead of thinking you need to stay home and be with your kids all the time, show them that date nights and special mommy/daddy times will always be your priority.

Cast Vision:  When you speak over them about marriage some day, also cast vision for true dating:    When our guys were young, we encouraged them, “Someday, when you are older and ready to start thinking of marriage, you will begin to date young ladies whom you might marry.   This is what dating is for.  Until then, you can be friends with ALL the girls and do things in groups and go out and have fun!  Get to know and honor everyone!  You don’t have to have a girlfriend, even if some of your friends do!”

When I hear young moms asking their kindergartners if that cute boy over there is their boyfriend, I want to cringe.  Call me old fashioned, or just call me old, but when we promote boyfriends and girlfriends at such an early age, we are just teaching them to practice heartbreak and breakups and even divorce over and over again.   When I was growing up, my friends and I had one thing on our minds:  who will be my boyfriend?   This one thing seemed to dominate and determine our entire mood for months at a time.  Ugh.  How great to cast vision early, parents, for God’s plans and designs so that they learn to protect their ‘friends’ hearts and honor all instead of choosing some over others.  There are so many GOOD Godly traits to practice as we encourage them to wait and only  date someone who someday could make a good mate.

First Mention:  Talk about everything.  Be shocked by nothing.  At the appropriate time. Be the first to teach them about sexuality, for whomever they hear it from first will be the benchmark by which they weigh new information!  Tell them you always want them to ask you ANY question they may have, and be aware of what they are learning and seeing from friends and school.    Talk about everything.  Make a big deal of nothing.

And don’t even get me started on social media for youngsters……  We found camping trips to be the most refreshing vacations we took with our boys where bicycles and books and bonfires and hiking and football and being together…..  were more important than video games or tv. We do not envy you parents of this generation’s new challenges & the onslaught of media you will have to navigate through, but we will say this:  do not be afraid to be different!  Do not be afraid to go on great adventures, and long walks, and leave the cell phones in a drawer.  (Especially yours.)

The best marriages start with training when they are young!  The most successful future husbands and wives are watching and listening out of little eyes and little ears.  May they see and hear you love each other well.

“We’ve heard true stories from our fathers about our rich heritage,.  We will continue to tell our children and not hide from the rising generation the great marvels of our God – his miracles and power that have brought us all this far.  . . For perpetuity God’s ways will be passed down from one generation to the next, even to those not yet born.  In this way, every generation will have a living faith in the laws of life and will never forget the faithful ways of God.”   Psalm 78: 3-4, 6-7 TPT