(This one was written by our son, Clay.  He and Bailey have been doing this Marriage thing for two and a half years.  We think they are doing it pretty well.  We are learning from them.  Thanks for this, Clay!)

When the Future Can’t Come Fast Enough

Last night I couldn’t sleep. My thoughts were racing, my mind was itching to accomplish something, and fear was bending my reality to its will. It was back again. My new, yet increasingly familiar friend. Anxiety.

I’ve always prided myself on being laid-back, easy-going, and difficult to stress out but something has shifted since Bailey and I have been married. Naturally, all the stakes are higher. The repercussion of failure are higher. I feel a responsibility to provide, support, and have vision for the rest of our lives.

 

Anyone who’s been in a romantic relationship at any level (dating / engaged / married) knows that dreams for the future are naturally born as you spend time together. As we become one in marriage, our dreams, passions, expectations, God-promises, and hopes begin to morph together as well.

 

If Bailey and I do anything with excellence, it’s dreaming. I can honestly say that we intentionally fight for each other’s dreams on a regular basis. (Sometimes on a daily basis!) Seriously, speaking to you wives, if you want your husbands to get that look of confidence where they swell up their chests, look out over the world, and let out a few masculine grunts of superiority (sometimes this is metaphorical… but sometimes not) … simply support/push/encourage them to chase their dreams. Gosh I feel great when Bailey tells me that she believes in my music, what I have to say, and my heart.

 

Ok back on track.. sometimes being so excited about what God has for us in the future leaves us dissatisfied with what our lives look like right now. We have SO MANY THINGS that God has placed on our hearts to do. We want to adopt multiple kids, to give extravagant financial gifts, work with orphanages, to write songs and travel, to see people in wheelchairs get up and be completely healed, to be a part of a culture where spending time in the manifest Presence of God is not only normal but is the highlight on a daily basis for individuals, couples, and friendships.

 

But, how are we supposed to live selflessly with our finances and give money away extravagantly when we’re pushing hard to pay off student loans? How are we going to see the culture of our relationships and work environments change when we feel like our voices are not valued the way that we would hope? How are we supposed to see the lame walk when we’re praying for headaches and the pain doesn’t disappear?

 

I’m sure your dreams look different than ours to some capacity, but I know you have them. And I KNOW that we serve a God who loves our dreams, who gives us vision for the future, and establishes these dreams with promises of His faithfulness. AND if you’ve ever been young, newly married, and starting into a new career, you’ve had the thought of “Woah, this is going WAY slower than I expected.” As a married couple, not only do you have to battle through your own miscalculated expectations, you have to do the same for your spouse.

 

So this is where anxiety loves to say hello. In the midst of all these hopes for the future and promises from God, what if we’re missing it right now? What if we’re not doing enough? What if that time I spent resting was supposed to be developing abilities that I should have by now? What if God had intended for us to have “arrived” by this point? What if…

 

yadayadayadayada. The list (and the lies) go on and on.

 

But really.. every great lie is built on just enough truth to help it slip by our defenses.

 

Every dream and promise from God in our lives DOES to a certain extent require our participation. If I had never picked up a guitar when I felt God leading me to, I would have never been hired as a worship pastor like He promised that I would become. So how do we know if we’re on the right track?

 

Last night as I was lying in bed I finally got fed up with the cloud over my mind and I got up to worship. 11pm, headphones on, bowing down and dancing through our living room singing “Jesus, Jesus, you make the darkness tremble. Jesus, Jesus, you silence fear.” I noticed once again, that as I fixed my eyes on Jesus simply to adore Him, to love on Him, and declare Him greater, everything else faded away. BUT as soon as I took my eyes off of Him and started thinking about the list of things I could DO to potentially progress our lives, my anxiety returned. For probably the million(th) time, I discovered the solution.

 

When the future can’t come fast enough, whether you’re married, single, divorced, or soon-to-be married, the only solution is the Presence. I’m not talking about individual times of worship or prayer, I’m saying that minute-by-minute walking with Jesus and valuing His presence above everything else is the ONLY way to balance building our dreams with waiting on God’s timing. When daily obedience and valuing His voice is number one, our timing will be right just as His timing is right. Our goals will be right just as His goals for us are right. Our ability to support our spouses’ dreams will be beautiful just as He beautifully supports our dreams.

 

It comes back to this. God is more interested in our connection with Him than our accomplishments. When I get bored, impatient, scared of the future, or anxious, and I try to run out and accomplish my “destiny” right now, I always end up exhausted, frustrated, and limping back to the Father, saying,

 

“But dad, I thought this was my mission. I thought this is what you made me to do.”

 

“Clay,” he always replies “I didn’t create you to accomplish a mission or a dream for me. I created you to do this WITH me.”

 

 

In seasons of both slow personal growth and slow growth as a couple, delight yourself in the Lord. Ask Him what He is developing in your life, in your marriage, in your character, and then ask Him how you can partner with what He’s doing. Repent of any laziness or running you’ve done from the calls on your life. Don’t stop dreaming with your spouse. Throw away the “what-if” questions. Hold on to promises over your life. And, in the words of my man Joel Embiid and the Philadelphia 76ers, “Trust the process.”

 

My mom asked me to write a short post… so I wrote a long one. Sorry mom!  Love ya!

-Clay O.

1. Also, Proverbs 3:5-6 really relates to this.

pss. That proverb was in honor of Steve Orander.