Steve and I love a good thunderstorm!   To watch the sky light up with streaks of lightening and see the trees literally bend and bow down under the power of the wind;  to hear the rain beating on the roof with a deafening roar…Beautiful!   We love a good thunderstorm.

IF we are inside, of course.  Forget all the above if we are OUTSIDE, in the elements, being drenched and blown and blinded by it.   No way.  Then it’s no fun at all.

It’s beautiful only if we are safe inside.

Steve will often say, “Isn’t it amazing that we can be protected and safe and dry while the storm rages on outside?  Isn’t it amazing that this house, this structure, allows us to experience the storm from a safe and protected place?”

Every marriage experiences storms in this life.  Maybe you’re in one right now.  You may feel blown and blinded by the winds of adversity and unexpected trials that you never saw coming.  You may feel like you are  drowning under the deluge of constant arguing and endless bickering, weary from the waves of disappointment that continue to roll over you.

If so, we just wanted you to know:  there is a safe place where you can find rest and shelter from the storm.

“My God is my rock, in whom I find protection.  He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.  He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me.”   2 Sam.22:3

“God, I’m crying out to you!  I lift up my voice boldly to beg for your mercy.  I spill out my heart to you and tell you all my troubles.  For when I was desperate, overwhelmed, and about to give up, you were the only one there to help… ”   Psalm 142 TPT

Jesus has come into our storms and become a place of shelter for you and me.  “And my Father will love you so deeply that we will come to you and make you our dwelling place…  Remain in life-union with me, for I remain in life-union with you…  Now remain in my love.”  John 14:23, John 15: 4, 9 TPT

Jesus is our true Home, our Shelter, the place He invites us to live every day:  in Him , in His presence, and in His love.  From this place, we have an inner peace, a constant source of joy and security that the storms of this life cannot touch.  He becomes to us like a safe-house in the storm, where we are secure and protected from the elements of a marriage storm.

From this place of safety, we can see more clearly where the storm has come from and how our spouse has been beaten and blown by it as well.  From this place of peace, we can offer an open door of reconciliation where your spouse feels safe to come in from the rain, peal off their wet layers of self-protection, and dry off in the warmth of a supernatural love and acceptance.  From your secure place in Jesus, no longer afraid of the storm that is raging outside, you can extend the kind act of forgiveness and grace, so that your spouse has a place to sit down, take a deep breath,  and talk it over.

Sometimes the pounding rain around us is so deafening and the storm so blinding that we forget we can step out of the storm into a safe place.   We bless you today to come in out of the rain and find the One who offers you the safety of His love and acceptance, no matter what storm you’ve been through.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and have heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”   -Jesus

Recommended song for a stormy day:  “Come to Me”  Jenn Johnson.

Application:  Pour out your heart’s troubles to the One who is a safe place.  Ask Him, “Father, show me how to enter into the safety and rest of Your love.”   Then listen.

Last, ask Him, “How can I become a safe place of peace, free from condemnation, to which my spouse will want to come?  How can I offer my unconditional love and acceptance in a way that invites them to come in and rest and take a reprieve from our storm?”

I’m reading a book about people who have had near-death experiences, but return to us here on earth to share about the Heaven they have seen.   When they see Jesus, there seems to be one question, often the first question, that He asks most every person who was interviewed.  Wanna guess what it is?    “How well did you love?”

Of all the things I am longing for in life, I want to be thekindofwife  who loves well.

Husbands and wives, there are many good things vying for our time and attention;  we want to be successful parents, successful in our jobs, successful in life.  We want to have successful marriages, successful kids, beautiful homes, good friends, and even fruitful ministries.

But at the end of life on this earth, I am beginning to understand there will only be one thing that will have mattered.

How well did we love?

How did I speak to my best friend today?  Did I take time to stop what I was doing, look him in the eye, and tell him I’m so glad to be his wife?   Did I remember that he is more important than the task at hand or getting there on time or the latest thing that needs fixing?   Did I remember that whatever life throws our way, it’s how I treat him and speak to him and honor him and cherish him in the midst of it all that matters most?

How well did you love today?

“Love is large and incredibly patient.  Love is gentle and consistently kind to all.  It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else.  Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance.  Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor.  Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense.  Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong.  Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others.  Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.  Love never stops loving.”

I Corinthians 13: 4-7 TPT

(If you want to take the “How Well Am I Loving?” test, read again or write out the above scripture and replace the word LOVE with your name.)    (However you ‘score’ on the test, finish today by inserting Jesus’ name in the place of Love, and know that this is how He loves you, and therefore, how you can now love your spouse because Love lives in you to do just that when we ask Him!)

“Until then, there are three things that remain:  faith, hope, and love – yet love surpasses them all.  So above all else, let love be the beautiful prize for which you run.”          I Corinthians 13:13 TPT

“I’m not mad at YOU!” I shouted aimlessly at him.  “Then why are you YELLING at me?” he shouted back.  “I DON’T KNOW!  I just need to …. I’m just…  FRUSTRATED!”

Guys, if your car starts making terrible sounds and you can feel a shaking in the steering wheel, you know something is wrong.   Your next move is to probably take it through the car wash and see if that takes care of it.

Or not.  NO!  Nobody in their right mind would think that getting it washed on the outside will fix what’s going on under the hood.

Guys, if your wife comes in the room making terrible sounds and you can feel a shaking in the air and in the ground under your feet and you can see that SHE is shaking all over, including maybe her fists;  something is definitely wrong!  But guys, you can’t take your wife through the exterior wash of words like, “Calm down.   It will be fine.  Get a grip.  You’re over-reacting….” and expect it to wash over her and fix the issue.

No, this one can’t be fixed with the washing of rational words;  there’s something wrong under the hood.

This one is needs an inside job.

Girls, this goes both ways.  If your husband starts making terrible sounds at unexpected moments, then possibly makes no sounds at all when he’s supposed to be ‘running smoothly,’  something is up.  You could try to remind him what you both heard in the sermon on Sunday, but your words  may not be getting in to where the problem is.  Berating him with questions like, “What’s wrong?  Are you upset?  You’re mad at me, aren’t you?  What did I do this time?”  is a bit like taking your car through the car wash and expecting it to fix your engine.

Something is wrong under the hood.  This one may require an inside job.

Your heart is the engine of your life.  “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”  Proverbs 4:23  NIV.   If there’s trouble in your heart, it will affect everything else in your life.

“So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are.  Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”  says the same verse in the Passion Translation.

Guys, can you tell something is wrong with your girl?  Has she just snapped at you again for really no good reason?  Is she ranting on and on about how hard this is, how bad the kids behaved, how unfair life is….  It could be those are just her symptoms.  You need to check under the hood:  what’s going on in her heart?  What’s at the root of all this noise and shaking?  And girls, we need to help them with this.  We can’t keep driving and just ignore the problem.   We gotta pull over and look deeper.  What’s going on under the hood?

Or maybe the question might be, “What is troubling your heart?  What has caused you to be afraid?”  For me, fear is most often the root.   So looking deeper to see what I’m really afraid of is a good way to start: what’s REALLY wrong with the engine?   It’s usually not something I can fix on my own.  And neither can you.

We’re going to need a Master Mechanic.

At the time of their worst nightmare, when His disciples had just been told the news they feared the most – that He was leaving, and would be given over to be crucified and die – Jesus told them this, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, and trust also in me.”  John 14:1  NIV   

Girls, what is happening in your life that is causing your heart to be troubled?  What just happened before that outburst?  What are you thinking about and mulling over and trying to figure out?  What is keeping you awake at night because you can’t stop thinking about it, and worrying, and fearing…..

And guys, anxiety is no respecter of persons or gender:  What’s happening at work right now that has your stomach in knots.  What’s going on with the finances that feels like it’s overwhelming with no solution in sight…..

Jesus is encouraging you and your spouse and all of us:  “Don’t worry or surrender to your fear.  For you’ve believed in God, now trust and believe in me also.”  vs.1 TPT

This made no rational sense to His disciples, and sometimes makes no sense to us!  How can I not be afraid when it looks like…. How can I NOT be troubled when this is happening?   And Jesus knows.  And he says to us what he said to them:  “Do not let…”

Notice we have a choice.   We get to decide.  We are not powerless.  “Don’t LET your heart be troubled….  Don’t LET IT….”    We get to decide what our hearts be-come.  And we usually become what we behold:  What are we focused on?

“Don’t worry or surrender to your fear…”  Meaning, we must have the ability to NOT surrender, to remain free from fear, or He would not ask it of us!

But HOW?  How do we keep our hearts from fear?  How do we guard them above all else?  You can’t just STOP feeling fearful…  we need to START feeling something else, something even more powerful than fear: “You’ve believed in God, now trust and believe in me also.”

We need to choose something in PLACE of,  INSTEAD of fear:   We are to TRUST.

Trust is more powerful than fear.  But trust is not something you muster up;  trust is the result of something… trust happens when…    Well, Wm. Paul Young says it best for me:

“Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know that you are loved.”  (The Shack, pg.100)

Jesus is asking us to trust Him because He loves us more than we can know.  He is asking us to BELIEVE Him and His great love for us, not only because he TOLD us, but because He proved it with His very life….

He told his disciples, “I’m going to prepare a place for you!  … so you can be where I am!…  I promise that I will never leave you helpless or abandon you as orphans – I will come back to you!  … And I will passionately love you in return and will manifest my life within you!”  John 14: 2, 18-21

Husbands and wives,  Jesus loves us and wants us to BELIEVE and TRUST his love!  He died and rose again to defeat death and fear and any evil that causes us to fear.  He has promised us that whatever we are facing, He is greater, and we can trust Him with our very lives and every detail of them.  His love is so great that even when very real troubles come, we can know that He has overcome them and will redeem (buy back for us) anything those troubles may steal from us.  He will never leave us and has ultimately made sure we will be with Him forever: safe in Him.

Our fears reveal what we believe = what we are trusting in.  Most things that we fear never even come to pass  (Fear is a Liar).  Yet we seem to ‘believe’ in those ‘possibilities’ sometimes more than we believe in the unshakeable, never-changing, faithful Love that is more real than anything.  Jesus is the Truth that we can trust, the Love that will never fail us.

We bless you today to pay attention to your hearts.  What is going on under the hood of your lives?  As husbands and wives, be looking deeper so you can pray more and fix less and let compassion help you ask the right questions.

Ask your spouse today, “How can I be praying for you today?   Are there any concerns that are weighing on you?   Will you let me know when something happens that causes you to be anxious or fearful?”   And we girls might ask:  “When I seem to be having a ‘breakdown’, will you pray with me and remind me that Jesus love is greater, we can trust Him, and I don’t have to let my heart be troubled!”

And when we realize that some deeper issues and fears have caused us to shut down or take it out on our spouses, may we go and ask forgiveness and ask them to pray with us about what’s really going on inside our hearts.  When we do, Jesus does this:

“I leave the gift of peace with you – my peace.  Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace.  Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts – instead, be courageous!”  John 14: 27  

My life has been transformed.

If I had to sum it up in one word?    Encounter.

Being with Jesus.  Jesus being with me.

It really is that simple.Maybe not ‘easy’ for us on-the-go, insta-everything, always talking to someone somewhere, anytime and most all the time …. girls.  But simple.

Simple = Hopeful

Your Father wants you to be free and know the joy of living in union with Him 24/7, 365, even more than you do.  Therefore, as any parent would when giving a good gift, He has made it quite doable,   quite accessible to ANYONE.  ANYWHERE.   ANY TIME.

My life has been most profoundly changed when I have been alone with Jesus, waited on Him, and He has graciously revealed himself, his overwhelming love for me,  and just how NEAR He really is.

The thing he tells me most often?    “I’m right here.”

That’s it.  When I see His kind face, and hear His joyful voice, and feel the peace that descends on me like a blanket,  everything changes.

All of a sudden, I see that He is everything, that he sees and HAS everything in His great plan of redeeming, and He has me, and He has all whom I love, and nothing is threatening Him and nothing is worrying Him,  and I’m Ok.    Everything really is Ok.

He is right here.

“I am the Vine, you are the branches.  Anyone who remains in Me (abides, lives, makes her home in, stays connected to) will bear much fruit…  As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.  Now remain in My love….”   John 15: 5, 9

“I will not leave you as orphans;  I will come to you….On that day, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you…..  The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them….   My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them…” John 14: 18-23

Jesus does live in me.  And in you if you have invited Him in.  Jesus HAS revealed himself to me…  over and over again.  And it has changed me, it has set me free:

I was at a Heaven Come Conference, worshiping Jesus in a large auditorium with thousands of others who love Him and live in Him and long for more of our lives to be lived with Him….  We were singing that most amazing-of-all-time song, “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God…   From my mother’s womb, You have chosen me. Love has called my name.   I’ve been born again into a Family, Your blood flows through my veins.  I’m no longer a slave to fear.   I am a child of God.”*

Something happens when you declare truth in the presence of Truth, agreeing with Him that it is true.  This may be a good definition of faith = actively believing Him.  And declaring it so that all can hear, including my own heart.

As we were singing, I saw this picture:  I was a little girl, caught in a whirlwind of worry and anxiety and real troubles and others’ troubles and fears….  when all of a sudden, my Father came and picked me up and held me close to Him as I wrapped my arms around His neck.   He was so much bigger and taller than the whirlwind He had rescued me out of that I could then turn and look back down on all of it.  And all of a sudden, I wasn’t afraid.   At once, I was just fine!   Papa had me.  I was safe, and quite secure.

But, of course, this is true!  When our boys were little guys, and we were out and about in new or scary situations, they were just fine as long as we were with them.  But if they looked around and couldn’t see us, they became scared, afraid they were all alone in the big & frightening world.   But- as soon as they saw me, or their Dad, they RAN to us, jumped into our arms, and everything was OK!   “Hey, Buddy!  It’s Ok.  I’m right here!”  At that point, they even had courage to turn back around and engage with whatever had scared them: the big dog, the crying child, the scary man.  It didn’t matter:  Dad’s here.   Everything is OK.

At that point they were even emboldened to be concerned for the crying child or the scary man who didn’t have a home…  Their own security made them want the OTHERS to be ok… and they would often ask, “Can we help them, Daddy?”   “Can we help them find their parents?  Can we buy that guy some food, or a house?”   Somehow, they had forgotten about their own fears and were able to SEE the others around them enough to want them to be OK, too.    This is what being our true selves will do for us:

“You split the sea so I could walk right through it.   My fears are drowned in perfect Love!  You rescued me so I can stand and say, “I AM A CHILD OF GOD!”*

And then, while in my Papa’s arms, still relishing the safety and security of being HIS child, He set me down, split the sea of trouble that had been in front of me, and (in my picture/vision) I called out to all those who were lost in the chaos of worry and anxiety and troubles, “Come on!  Our Papa is here!  Follow me!  He’s split the sea for us!   We have nothing to fear!   He will take care of it!”

That was over two months ago.  Nearly every day since then, I run and find Papa!  When the phone call is bad news, and the circumstances around me become scary, I run to find Him and he picks me up and lifts me above the fray and chaos of the world, and I find safety.  I can see again.   From this vantage point, I can see clearly how much bigger He is and how much He loves me and how nothing threatens Him or could ever compromise Him…. and I can look back at my troubles and fears and very real life and see it differently.  I have nothing to fear.  He is right here.  And I am free.

I am a child of God.

If you read the last few blogs, you know that I have ‘grown’ so much by studying and memorizing His word, being in fellowship with others and living in the light.  I believe in and practice all these things daily.

But of ALL these things, only one has brought me peace that passes understanding and joy that no one can take from me:   it’s actually BEING WITH Him.   It’s ‘fixing my eyes on things unseen,’ like His face, and sitting quietly while I ask Him questions and listen;  it’s soaking in His presence as I listen to a worship song… it’s putting the phone away and even my bible away for a bit, and just looking to Him.  Picturing Him.  Asking Him to speak to me…  and knowing He loves to!   I have come to find that He’s always smiling, always more than willing, always speaking and wanting to share His thoughts with me.  I’ve learned to take this relationship into the busyness of life and continue the conversation with Him while I’m also conversing with others;  learned to ask His thoughts on the matter -whatever is at hand.   He’s my dearest friend, and the kindest person I know.  His love has transformed me.   And I need the times when I just sit with Him and receive it.    He is not just any Papa.  He is the most loving, most powerful, most wise , and most just… and He is crazy about us, his kids.  He’d rather die than live without us, and He’d do anything to bring us home safely.  And, in Jesus, He did just that.

We are safe.  We are eternally and presently secure.

He is right here.

And we are His.

* “No Longer Slaves”, by Jonathan & Melissa Helser, can be listened to in its entirety on YouTube.  My prayer for you?  Let it play as you sit with Jesus, look into His eyes, and ask Him how he feels about you!   Then let your Father pick you up and just hold you.   Look with Him down on your greatest fears and troubles, and ask Him, “What are your thoughts on this, Papa?  How will you keep me safe?   How does your love free me in this?”     After you’re done, write what you hear Him saying.   You’ll want to remember!  

Yesterday, I got pretty real! But it’s because I’m pretty pumped that I’ve become pretty FREE!!   And my Papa said, “Proclaim the good news!”   Well, here it is:    “I’ve tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves, where my heart becomes free, and my shame is undone….’      (Thank you, Torwalts!  You can sing along with their song, “Holy Spirit”)

My heart becomes FREE!  My shame is undone!  Ah, every time I sing it, I weep!  And I smile!  Yes, both! At the same time!  (good thing this is a Just Us Girls blog… this makes no sense to guys…)

Here’s the thing:  in order to be free of something, we’ve got to see it first;  we’ve got to bring it into the Light, look at it, and agree with God that we need to be free from it!  We’ve got to be willing to TRUST this great Father and His never-ending, reckless love for us enough to say, “OK, Father, I trust that if I let you see this, you will truly do what’s best for me.  I trust your heart, Father, enough to know that if it’s something you want out of my life, it must be because you have something better to give me.   I trust your love enough, Papa, to let go and let you show me and let you take some things from me that have been taking some things from me and that have been taking me captive to some things…..      Yes, Father,  I know it may not be easy, but I trust you.  I know Your heart towards me is only GOOD, and therefore, I want you to see all these fears,  all these issues,  all this shame that I’ve been carrying.  It is scary, Father, but you are more Trustworthy – and I truly believe You want me free to fly!!.”

I had to agree with God that my anger was wrong, aka. a sin!  and that it was hurting not only me, but all those I loved.  I had to come into the light and share with all those who know me well, whom I have trusted and let into my life because they love me and Jesus both, and let them walk that road of deliverance with me.  I had to let go of that perfect image, that great performance, and especially the lie that I would bring shame to His name.  (Found out He’s not too concerned about that one!)

Coming into the Light can be scary!   What will people think?  About me, about all I’ve testified to, about my God?  Will my friends look at me differently?  Will I be judged?  And then, when Shame spoke up, he would whisper, “Just keep it between you and God.  God is big enough.   You don’t need to burden these other people.   You don’t want to risk ruining someone else’s faith.  You’ve almost got this… no one else needs to know…..”

And if you’ve ever heard a version of THAT voice speaking, can I help you out a little and let you know that is NOT your loving Father?  One of Jesus’ closest friends wrote this:

“This is the life-giving message we heard him share and it’s still ringing in our ears.  We now repeat his words to you:  God is pure light.  You will never find even a trace of darkness in him.  If we claim that we share life with him, but keep walking in the realm of darkness, we’re fooling ourselves and not living the truth. But if we keep living in the pure light that surrounds him, we share unbroken fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his son, continually cleanses us from all sin.  

If we boast that we have no sin, we’re only fooling ourselves and are strangers to the truth.  But if we freely admit our sins when his light uncovers them, he will be faithful to forgive us every time.  God is just to forgive us our sins because of Christ, and he will continue to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”    I John 1: 5-10 TPT

If, in reading those words, God is speaking to you about some sin that you know you need to confess, to God and to others, stop reading this random blog, and joyfully do it right now!!!   God’s already there, so that one’s first and easy.  Agree with Him that it’s not right or good for you, and ask Him to forgive you.  Then receive His overwhelming and loving cleansing that only He can bring!  (You will feel the Freedom come!!!!)  And thank Him for Jesus and the sacrifice He became for you, to set you free!~   (There’s some celebrating happening right now with your Papa and the angels … let Freedom ring!!!)  Finish by asking Him to fill you with His Spirit and ask Him what he wants to bring you in place of what you were settling for!!

Some of you, when you come into the Light of His presence, find things there that have been hidden for years… and just need cleaning out.  Some of those things you weren’t even responsible for, they were done, in fact, TO you.  Your kind and tender Father wants you to bring those to Him, too.  He wants you  to trust Him, and some trustworthy counselor or friend, by not carrying that one by yourself any longer.  “Come to ME, Jesus said, all of you carrying heavy burdens…..and I will give you rest for your soul.”

The rest of you may be thinking you’ve been there, done that.  And praise God if that’s the case!   But just in case you are like I once was, and have come to believe that ‘this is just something I deal with,”  or ‘this is just who I am.’    ‘It’s not a big deal.  I know God still loves me…..”  may I suggest to you that there is more freedom and more flying and soaring that He has for you?

Let’s try this:  Is there any thing you ‘let slide’ or do when you are alone that you would never be caught doing when other people are around? (Ask Holy Spirit to show you here) Is there something that you’ve never told your spouse, thinking that it’s no big deal?   Is there anything that comes across your screen that causes you to hide it or deal with quickly, before anyone else sees?   Are there things you say or ways you behave when you are with some friends that you would never say or do with your ‘church friends?’

If so, do not start walking down the Road called Shame!  This is an exciting moment!  Because if you said yes to any of the above questions,  you are NOT flying, and you probably know it!  You may have been wondering where the joy is, and why you don’t like yourself too much, and why you keep saying all those negative things about yourself and others.   You may always feel guilty, and not good enough, and you may have given up trying to ‘please God!’  But here’s the good news!  Your Light has come!  It is shining on the very thing that has shut down your heart, and your good Father wants to bring you out of the darkness and into His ‘pure light’ and SHOW you how these ‘hidden’ things are keeping you bound, tied up in knots, and not able to live fully alive nor FLY in the FREEDOM  that He has for you!

Let’s be real:  today’s culture gladly promotes being real.  Authenticity is a good buzz word for today’s generation.  The only danger in this is that with everyone being ‘real’ about their ‘stuff’, their brokenness, and that we all have it, there could be the temptation to then feel Ok about it.   If I’m broken and you’re broken and we’ve stopped judging one another because we’re all broken, then I’m feeling pretty comfortable in my brokenness, and feel no need to really change.  In fact, this is something we can share in together, and support each other when others may not understand…  It actually connects us in a special way.  We can have a Facebook group around it and celebrate it enough that we proudly ‘label’ ourselves by it and we can take offense together if someone suggests that it may not be God’s best for me.   “God loves us just the same” in this context is like when the Devil used half- truth to try to get Jesus to jump off a high temple: yes, but…..it’s not going to end well… pain will inevitably follow.

And more importantly?  This attempt at being ‘real’ falls short, because though you may be being ‘honest’,  you’re not really being real –  you’re not being the real you.  In our July 4 blog of Just Us Girls, we talked about how the REAL you is created in the image and likeness of God:   this is the true you!  Therefore, to be like your Abba God is to be the most like your true self that you can be!  He who dwells in pure light longs for you to walk in that pure, free light with Him!   And to deny whom He’s made you to be is choosing to stay bound on the ground and looking around instead of free to see whom He’s made you to be, and trusting Him enough to spread your wings, and let His Spirit lead you and fill you …. so you can… FLY!

Jesus let sin-bound men bind him so that we could go free.  He took ALL the brokenness upon himself and died under the weight of it all, so that you and I would no longer have to live broken, but could live whole and clean and right and free;  with nothing to hide, no shame to bear alone, no fear that someone may find out….  and able to be ourselves because we are fully known – and find that we are still fully loved!!    This is a freedom – on the inside – that no one and nothing can take from you!   This is being TRULY REAL and TRULY FREE…   and if the Son has set you free, you ARE free indeed!

One of my all-time favorite songs is by Steven Curtis Chapman, who wrote his song “Free” after visiting a man in prison, on death row.   If you want your heart to come alive, find this song on YouTube and hear about a man who was so free that the freedom he’d been given was something that not even death could take from him….  or you .. or me.   ‘Cause we’re free.

I am a recovering angerholic.  Recovering, because at any moment’s notice, I could be tempted to give in to it again.  At any moment.

I’m also a recovering control-freak. I didn’t know until this past decade of my life that these two issues, anger and control,  are closely related, intertwined even.   I wish someone had told me this 25 years ago;  I think it could have helped me.  I’m hoping it might help some of you today.

I also didn’t know years ago that underneath the two symptoms of anger and control is that nasty root, the one from which the other two grow… called fear.  I would never have agreed that I was fearful;  in fact, my personality is one that is pretty out-there, bold, courageous, not ‘afraid’ of too many things!!  Ready to take risks, not afraid to speak up, ready to take leadership if needed….  No, I am not a ‘fearful’ person.

Then I heard Danny Silk,  parenting and relationship author of a book called Loving on Purpose,  say this, “You can’t control anyone.  God doesn’t try to control anyone.  You have no ability to control anyone else…. except yourself.”    Wait, was that what I was trying to do as a new wife, as a young mom?  Control my husband, my children?  I thought I was being a good wife by making plans I thought would be in Steve’s best interest, or leaving certain books lying around that I thought he should read.  I thought I was being a good parent by having a plan, having expectations, requiring that they meet them….  I just had no idea they might have some thoughts or ideas of their own.

I had always had a pretty bad temper;  or, as my grace-filled husband would say, I had a passionate personality!  (God bless him…)  I just thought that’s who I was and how I was wired;  Steve & I were learning how to deal with it, communicate better, etc.  But when I became a mom, well, let’s just say some things started manifesting out of me that would have scared the least fearful person!

I LOVED becoming a mom!  It was and still is to this day one of the greatest gifts Father has ever given me!  I love my 2 boys with a fiery passion and an overwhelmed heart of love and great joy!!   I set out to raise them to know and love this Jesus who created them and loves them!  We homeschooled and included God in every aspect of our lives and learning…  since He is in all those anyway!  I loved being a young mom and all the joys that parenting brings!!   I maybe loved it too much….  or at least tried to control it too much.  And when my agenda or plan for the day was interrupted with a, “No.  No, I don’t want to….”  well, I didn’t handle it very well.  Why wouldn’t they want to do what their loving mother said…    like all the time?  And that’s when I would lose it;  never hurting them of course, but you know, like a volcano spewing, so were the words of my mouth and the volume of my voice!

I see it now:  I felt out of control.   I FEARED being out of control, of them not obeying or listening, of me not being a good mother, of failing….    ah…  there it is;  we are seeing the bottom parts of that root now:    and that FEAR led to me grasping for MORE control so that I would feel better, which led to more anger when that didn’t work, which led to  more fear of being out of control…..    you get the picture.

I did share this with my girlfriends.  They were gracious and kind and prayed for me.  I went forward at church for prayer, sure that I was ruining our sons by my temper outbursts.   Two sweet women told me that FIRST time I went forward, “Lori, this will be one area where you can show them why we all need a Savior…”  And I learned to ask for my boys’ forgiveness, and they always gave it.  I learned to walk the Calvary Road with Roy Hession and live of Lifestyle of Repentance, ie.stopping each time I lost it to ask for His gracious forgiveness and receive the cleansing that the blood of my Jesus bought for me.  I memorized every scripture on anger and rage,  “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”    But the following sentence is one that really got me, “For human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires…”  And I would realize that I was actually producing the opposite kinds of fruit that I WANTED to produce- by my anger. I did Beth Moore’s bible study on Breaking Free, not once, but 6 times.   Yes, I was usually leading others through it, but don’t you know I was breaking free over and over and over….

Ready for some GOOD NEWS?   (umm, yes, Lori, please….)  God was gracious!  My boys aren’t ruined.  And I learned that I needed a sponsor for my angerholicness.  I learned that I could not be without this Sponsor for any length of time …. this Savior….  this Prince of Peace.   I learned to cling to Him and converse constantly with Him, and abide in Him – like 24/7, 365.   And then I learned that all my trying was fruitless unless I saw that He already saw me as FREE!!   HE had ALREADY set me free from anger and control and fear and sin….  it’s just that I kept beating myself up and believing the lies that I was a failure, I was a fake, I was one person at home and another at the bible study I was leading.  I let the enemy keep me in the dark alleys of shame, and then got angry with myself for not getting it all right.

Ah, I hope you read the Just Us Girls Blog from July 4:  Free 2 B.   I learned that I don’t have to ‘get it all right’, because Jesus got it all right FOR me!  I learned that Father already loves me COMPLETELY as His daughter, He already delights in me as I delight in my sons, and already has given me wings to fly and be FREE from sin’s strongholds and satan’s lies!    His LOVE – His unconditional, no matter what, could never sin too much to stop My love, kind of love FREED ME!   My Father’s love – that throws back His head and laughs with pure  joy over me – that says, ‘I know you through and through, and love you just the same, NOT BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DO, BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE MINE!” – THIS kind of love, changed me!  This kind of love scooped me up in His Papa-arms, twirled me around, and shouted, “You are mine!   You are free!   You can let go of control!  You can let go of having to do it all right! You don’t have to perform or earn my Love!   You can TRUST ME!   For I love you, Lori, because you are my very own!   I see all that passion I put inside you,  and we are going to use it to change the world!  We’re turning your mourning into dancing, your ashes into beauty, your spirit of despair into a garment of PRAISE!    COME, Daughter!   Let’s fly!!!!!”

‘”Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God…  I couldn’t earn it, and I don’t deserve it, still you give Yourself away…. There’s no shadow you won’t light up, mountain you won’t climb up, coming after me!   There’s no wall you won’t kick down, lie you won’t tear down, coming after me!!!”

You can join me by listening to Cory Asbury’s full song, “Reckless Love.”  I highly recommend it!  For more good news, check in tomorrow…..   got some free dancing to do with my Papa……

“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?  She is more precious than rubies.  Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”  Proverbs 31:10

Something happens to my heart when I read the above scripture;  honestly, it makes me, as a wife, WANT to be that kindofwife.   It’s like reading a description of all I set out to be 30 years ago;  honestly all I thought I WOULD be.  Don’t all marriages set out with these kinds of hopes and dreams?

We did.  We still do.  I can think of times when God has helped me “enrich” Steve’s life, times when I have ‘brought him good’.  When I wait to get gas at the cheapest place, that enriches him!  When I stop stressing out and being anxious, and remember to just have fun, that brings him good AND a smile!   And when I actually remember to USE the coupons that he clips each week,  well….  that really does it!  I can tell by the look on his face that he’s thinking, “My Lori –  she’s a ‘virtuous and capable wife!”  (and possibly hanky-panky is soon to follow, as he often says!)

This past holiday week, we spent some time boating;  being out on the water makes Steve think about his dad every time, and how much he loved sailing.  His dad passed into his heavenly home last year;   we all miss him a great deal, but Steve feels it at a deeper level.  His dad was not only his dad, he was his hero.

As we were having a sunset ride out on the lake, my man quietly said, “I miss my dad.”   I just reached out and held his hand.   We cried a little together.  I didn’t try to say anything;  didn’t try to point out the positives… I felt God nudging me to just be with him in it.   I think maybe that ‘enriched’ his life at that moment.   Sometimes saying the right thing means not using words at all.  (a foreign concept to some of us girls….)

Then there are those other times.  Those times that are easier to remember because they get stuck on the shame hanger inside the closet of our brains.  Times when I didn’t bring him good or enrich his life, but did rather quite the opposite.    Times when I take out my anger or frustration on him, and wish I could take back the words as soon as they leave my mouth.  Or the time he began to share some difficult things going on with his job, with one of the guys he works with.   I thought I would be so helpful by taking his side and expressing my righteous anger as a sign of solidarity…… “You’ve got to be kidding!   That’s ridiculous.  That guy is always….  I don’t know how you work with him….”    The look on his face at that moment was not reflecting my virtuous or capable assistance….  He just stopped talking and walked away.    Girls, I have found this is not what guys are looking for.    (is that right, men?)

Instead, because one of a man’s core needs is respect, he will always try to show it and give it,  whether he’s frustrated with someone or not.   What he needed from me in that moment was more of the NOT saying anything at all, and maybe just listening, and being in it with him.

Girls, what are ways you can enrich your husband’s life today?  I’ve come to believe it’s probably NOT responding with the first emotions I feel, nor saying the first thing that comes to my mind!   Often it is stopping BEFORE speaking or acting, and actually asking ourselves – and Holy Spirit – “How can I bring him good right now, Father?  What does he need from me most?”     And waiting on God until I know HIS thoughts on the matter, as he understands my man much better than I.   And loves him even more as well.

And husbands!   I realize we’ve only scratched the surface of all the ways we wives can be virtuous and capable, enriching your lives and not bring you more harm~  But if you want to encourage this growth in your bride, this same Proverb gives you men some clues as well:  first, it says he can trust her.   Ask for your woman’s thoughts on things more often, men, even if you need to remind her that you don’t want to ‘bash’ anyone or get angry about it….  she would be honored and feel ‘trusted’ if you could share more of what IS going on in your life.   Help her know how she can be a blessing to you as you share;  she does want to know, and may sometimes need to be reminded!

Second, if you read all the way to the end of this Proverb, the infamous #31 for us women, you’ll read these words:  “her husband joins in with words of praise…” vs.28.  I truly believe the woman described in this Proverb is the way she is partly because she has a husband who praises her.   Whether verbal affirmation comes easily for you or not, guys, it is a worthwhile thing to step beyond your comfort zone and water the seeds of greatness in your wife with words of praise and honor.  Has she brought you any good recently?  Been virtuous or capable in some way?   Your words of praise will cause that moment /deed to be seared into her brain, and she will want to do it more!  Your words have extreme power to cause her to thrive and grow and become thekindofwife she longs to be!

Girls, we will talk more about this in some of our Just Us Girls blogs in the coming weeks, in case you want to join me in becoming THAT kind of wife.

Until then, we bless you today with a moment to stop and ask yourselves, “What kind of spouse DID I set out to be?   How am enriching his/her life ?”

As we close, take a minute to ask the Expert Marriage Counselor:  God Himself.  “Father, how can I greatly enrich my spouses’ life today?    How can I bring him/her good today?   What do you see that he/she needs from me most?”     And we bless you to hear the voice of your good Father and take the joyful steps He leads you to take!

And in the words of Thumper, one of my personal heroes, “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all!’

Girls!  I have been blogging about marriage a lot lately, and Steve and I will continue to share things we have learned and are learning each week through a Monday Marriage Moment you can subscribe to if you want.   But the more we talk about marriage, the more my heart longs to just grab a cup of coffee and sit down with you, my fellow-wives or wives-to-be, and just talk –  just us girls!! 

And if we could – sit down over coffee,  I wouldn’t ask about your marriage first off;  I’d ask about you!   For before we can become thekindofwife we all long to become, we all first must be free to be the girls we long to become!!

Author Francois’ du’Toit tells a true story about an exciting moment he witnessed with an Australian Wildlife organization .  I don’t remember all the details, but he was invited to attend the release of an exquisite eagle into the wild for the first time.  This particular eagle had been rescued very young and raised in a safe, controlled environment until he became healthy and mature enough to be released and allowed to fly for the first time, back into his natural environment.  All the onlookers were on tip-toe with anticipation as they brought the eagle out into the wide open space, unbound him, and raised him up high – free now to fly!!!   As all who were there held their breath, all were astounded that the eagle did NOT fly at all;  it chose to merely look around and remained right where it was.

The moments seemed like hours as no one wanted to move, waiting to see what would happen.  Suddenly above them, in what seemed like divine providence, they heard the sound of an eagle flying overhead and calling out.   In one split second, the earth-bound eagle looked up, began to flap his grand wings, and took flight – beautifully soaring into the sky.

Du’Tuoit explains that all it took for the eagle to realize his true identity and potential was one revelation of his origin,  one glimpse of an example of himself – like in a mirror – to understand who he was and for what he was designed!   Just One sound that resonated in the core of who he was, calling to him – and he knew he was designed for freedom – he was designed to FLY!

GIRLS!   We were designed for FREEDOM –  you and I are designed to FLY!  To soar in grace and beauty  as we step into our true identities and BE whom God designed us to be!  But here’s where my heart has been breaking:  so many of us are not flying;  we are looking around unsure of who we are, feeling captive & bound by fears and lies and unaware that we have been set free!

Let’s try a quick exercise.  Grab a pen and paper, or your journal, or phone.  (I’ll wait here…)  Ok. Now, imagine you are at a party and you overhear, in the next room, some of your friends and family talking about you. What would you long to hear them saying?  What words or phrases would you hope they would use to describe you, not just the practical but the core of who you are? (Note:  this is not what WOULD they say, this is what YOU WOULD WANT them to say, what you really wish would be what they see?)  Now write the first things that come to your mind.    (I’ll wait here again…  no rush…..)

When you are done, let me ask you this:   how many of the things that you wrote down are true of Jesus as well?   Circle the ones that also describe Him.  Do you see it?  Deep down, this is who you truly WANT to be!!!!   This is the desire of your heart – to be LIKE Jesus.   Why?     Because that is who you were CREATED to be:   you were MADE in HIS IMAGE!    Therefore, to be like Him is to be the truest YOU that you can be!   Like the eagle, when we see HIM, we recognize all we long to be – all we were made to be!!

This is my story, too.   I am on a journey with God to understand who I really am!   I used to think I was a sinner, saved by grace, and my goal was to try as hard as I could to get it all right, so that I could one day become like Jesus.   But over time, I have heard a sound – a revelation – that has resonated in the core of who I really am.  God has graciously been calling out – not just to me – but to all of us – and I have looked up!  I have seen a fresh revelation of my true origin:  and it is JESUS!   I am beginning to understand that what He did for us on the cross was so much MORE than just forgiving our sins:  He actually restored us to our original design. We were ALL made in His image, and because Jesus defeated the sin that bound us, He has set us FREE to become our true selves!  He has ‘flown ahead, above us, leading the way’ as a revelation of what it now looks like when God’s Spirit fills a girl:  we can spread our wings, rest in what HE has already accomplished for us, and FLY!!

Jesus is not just an example FOR us, but an example OF us, of what flying looks like!  Like the eagle who didn’t realize who he was, I, too, need a revelation of who He has made me to be when He forgave my sin, set me free, and filled my with His very own Spirit.  I no longer have to ‘get it all right,’ because Jesus got it all right for me.  (Can you pause here, and take a deep breath of THAT truth?!!!)     He has ALREADY made me like himself!  He has taken the exam for me, passed it with an A, and that is the grade that is permanently in the books under my name!   I no longer have to pass the test!  I have been granted the status of COMPLETE!  FULLY and JOYFULLY ACCEPTED!  IN THE FAMILY!   I no longer have to try in my own strength, looking around at others to see how I’m doing;  I now look to Him and thank Him for making me new – like Him – and ask Him to lead me by His Spirit in me as I understand more fully what is possible; what it means to be FREE!!

Practically speaking, what does this look like?   This means knowing and applying who I am in Christ to the every day living of life!  I am passionate for us as women to realize the enemy has been lying to us about who we are and how far we fall short and how disappointed God is with us – and thinking our husbands must be as well.  He has bound us up in fear of never being good enough, never getting it right, never pleasing God ….and we begin to think this is true.  That’s why we must look UP and SEE who Jesus and Father really are:  loving us so dearly, already accepting us, & delighting in us with great joy!  And having done all the work of setting us free from sin, Father is now calling us higher-to freedom –  to fly as His children!

SO – on this day of Freedom – this 4th of July when we celebrate that we are free – I’m here to sign another Declaration …  The war has been WON!  Our enemy has been defeated!   The accuser has been silenced!  The word is out:  We are truly and completely FREE

!For the next few weeks, maybe months, I’m going to blog about all the ways Jesus has set us free from the fears and anxieties that have held us captive!  We will talk about being free from the fear of failure, the fear of never being good enough, the fear of missing out (FOMO), etc.!  We will encourage each other to LOOK UP and see Jesus as our example, and hear His voice calling us to let go, and be who we are, and know that we are so dearly loved!

Girls!   The FREE life that Jesus has purchased for us and filled us with (it’s already inside of us!) is one marked by LOVE, and JOY, and PEACE …   patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and yes – even self-control .    Anyone besides me long to know THOSE as your daily reality?  Anyone else besides me long to be THAT kind of wife?    Any area of my life that is not enjoying these things is under the influence of a lie – for these things are already ours – already IN us because HE is in us!  We no longer have to TRY HARDER, we just have to realize what’s already been given to us and who we already ARE!!!!    And just be.  In Him.  Keep our eyes on Him and allow the wind of God’s very own Spirit to fill us & lift us up above the fears of this earth-bound life.   THEN we will know FREEDOM!  THEN we will fly!!   THEN we will soar in the freedom that has been purchased for us!  THEN we will be FREE to BE whom we already are!

“But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord.  And the Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.”    2 Corinthians 3: 17-18

PRAYER:  Much like our earlier example, Jesus is at the party and talking about you right now!  Ask Him, “What are you saying about me, Jesus?   What do you see that is true about who I AM?”     Now write what you first hear, write your first thoughts.    Ask him again, “Is there more?  What do you want me to know about what you think about me?”  Write your first thoughts;  you can trust that it is Him within you.       Next, ask Him if there are any lies you have been believing (or speaking) about yourself that are different from His thoughts about you!     Write them down.   Then renounce those things out loud, (“I am NOT _______”)  and cross them OUT!   And ANNOUNCE or confess out loud what JESUS has said about you!     End by thanking him and agreeing with Him that He is truth, and that truth will set you FREE!

Happy 4th of July!    (If you want to join us for ‘Just Us Girls’ blog every week, click on SUBSCRIBE at the bottom of this page!)

A funny thing happened in April.  We realized we were about to celebrate our 30th Wedding Anniversary on the 30th of April.   So, we took 30 days to blog and thank God and celebrate marriage in honor of all the 30’s.  Our desire was to give back – to humbly give thanks to God by sharing or giving away some of the things that we have been blessed to learn, in hopes that other marriages might be blessed or encouraged in some small way.

Here’s the funny thing:  I think our marriage got blessed most of all!   Looking back, those 30 days of intentional time thinking on our marriage were life-changing for us.  Our marriage was the healthiest, happiest, and most hopeful it has ever been.   It caused us to be gut-level honest with ourselves and God, and it reminded us how much we’ve been through, how good God has been, and how thankful we are.

Makes sense.   They say it takes approximately 21 days to form a habit.   After 30 days, we had formed a new habit of being intentional DAILY with the gift of our marriage.   After 30 days, we were looking at each other with more kindness, more understanding, more grace.

So, here we are again.  We’ve decided to keep it up – not really for you who may read – no offense – but for US!   Not every day, but maybe once a week.   A Marriage Moment…  maybe MONDAY’s Marriage Moment, maybe more.  We’ll see.   A time to stop and turn and look at each other again, and realign and smile and be thankful.

We’re going to start today by reminding ourselves of one of the most powerfulhabits we have found for a joyful marriage – and a joyful LIFE, for that matter:  Gratitude.   NOUN.   “The quality of being thankful;  readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness”   

“Give thanks to the Lord for He is GOOD!  HIS faithful love endures forever!”  1 Chronicles 16: 34

“Be joyful always.  Pray continually.  Give THANKS in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”          1 Thessalonians 5:16

God actually instructs us to BE thankful, to give thanks, and to be overflowing with GRATITUDE.   It is not only the right response to Who God is and what He has done, it actually becomes our strategy and weapon for victory in marriage and life!

First, choosing to give thanks to God reminds us  (‘re – minds’ …  realigns our thinking) that God has been so good and kind.  When we look up long enough to say Thank You, we SEE Him clearly again, and we are re-minded how powerful and big and wonderful He is.   When we praise Him, He actually ‘inhabits’ the praises of His people;  He comes even more near.  He is drawn to those loving Him and thanking Him.

Try this:  Think of one amazing thing God has done in your marriage (even if it were years ago!).  Lift your eyes to Him and thank Him.    Tell him again you remember that only HE could have done that…. and you are grateful!    Now look for his Father-smile as He responds to you:  how big is God?  Can anything threaten or worry Him?  Is there anything too hard or trouble too great that He cannot easily handle it?

And there:  we are seeing correctly again.  Now, we can look at the day, the situations in front of us, re-minded that Father God has been faithful, IS faithful still, and is with us in whatever we are facing!  We remember that He has made us HIS children, and we are quite safe and secure with Him who never leaves us~

And NOW, we can look back at our spouse and remember that God is their Father, too, and they are his child!  He loves them and is FOR them and hears every prayer you pray for them!  Now you can see your spouse through the eyes of your Father, see the good, see all that you fell in love with the first time…. and your heart BECOMES grateful.   Giving thanks realigns our vision, and our hearts follow.

Giving Thanks is also a weapon God has given us to defeat the enemy, his lies, and the fears & frustrations he brings.   (See April Love Blog, Day 16: Enemy)   It’s good to remember that “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone (and some marriage) to devour.”  1 Peter 5:8   Because he has been rendered powerless by Jesus, the only trick up his sleeve is to whisper his lies to us about God, ourselves, and our spouse.  If he can get us to agree with him, then we have put our ‘faith’ or belief in him, empowering him to come in and have his way with our thoughts and emotions.  BUT if we can declare our THANKS and the PRAISES of God LOUDER than his lies, we will drown them out with the TRUTH;  we can silence his voice with our own, declaring we believe in our good Father and thanking Him that He is greater than all.

Real Life:  This sounds good on pap…uh, blog.   It was easy to be grateful in Switzerland on our amazing anniversary trip.  In fact, all I could do was cry with thankfulness – like every day.   I just kept repeating out loud, “Thank you, Jesus.   Thank you, Father.”   We climbed mountains, strolled through villages, and held hands all along the way.  We were humbled, grateful, and so thankful for each other and for God’s extravagant goodness.

Then we came home.  Then we had to catch up.  Then we visited hospitals where those we love are hurting and fighting and dealing with real life.   Then we entered back into the crazy schedules and the travel for work and the commitments.   Then we had a choice:  We felt the temptation to focus on the tiredness & just getting life done, and forget Who God is and who we are in him.     I admit, I stumbled and had moments like this;  Steve maintains his vision better than I.

But on Sunday morning, God showed me a cool thing He had done in me.  We were worshiping God, singing His praises, and I was happy to be back in church with our community in worship, focusing again on His face.  I was surprised, then, when all of a sudden these images began playing across my mind:  images of majestic mountains, and ancient church spires, and lovely cafes along narrow streets…  and holding hands.  At first I thought I was just being distracted.    Then I realized:   I was worshiping.   In His presence, I was remembering all He had done and how good He really is, and I was giving Him thanks from the purest place ….. the place of gratitude.   I didn’t have to bring it to mind, conjure it up, or strive to be thankful.   I just lifted my eyes to Him long enough to say thanks, and that which we had been ‘practicing’ came out of me as a natural response.

Gratitude.   NOUN.   “The quality of being thankful;  readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness”   

What would our marriages become if we started every day with, “Thank You, Father.”  Thank you for my husband, for my wife, for our marriage.   Thank you for who they are, who they are becoming, and Who you are in them.   Thank you for the privilege of being the one who knows them best here on earth, and the one who can see, believe, and cheer them on to becoming.  Thank you for the joys we’ve shared as well as Your faithfulness to us through the storms, troubles, and tears.  Thank you that You have given us Your Spirit of love and joy and peace to abide in us whatever may come!  And thank you for giving us a best friend with whom we get to journey through this life.

Today, we bless you with a moment to look up, and say Thanks.   It may just become a habit.