Jesus replied, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.” Mark 10: 6-9

Dear John & Jasmine,

One week from today you will become man and wife. You will be joined together as one by God himself as you make a holy covenant with Him and each other to take one another to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold, to cherish each day, forsaking all others, no matter what comes!

And we could not be more excited for you!!!!! We praise God for BOTH of you, for the ways you have prepared for this most holy union, for humbling yourselves to learn from others older & wiser by going through six months of premarital counseling. We are proud beyond words of the ways you have sought God for yourselves, individually, to allow Him to make your hearts healthy with His love before attempting to love another for a lifetime.

From my persective, this Momma’s heart is bursting with joy and emotion and memories and realization that God hears our prayers – and He is beyond faithful to answer. (Thank you, Father! You are so good!)

So, at a time when there are no words to express how we feel, I turn to blogging to try and pour out a small fraction of the many thoughts and prayers that I am praying and having for you.

There is ONE KEY, one prayer, one secret to a happy and blessed marriage:

Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you: Love one another as I have loved you.” John 13: 34

That’s it.

If you do that one thing, it will take care of all the rest. It will be the answer to your every hard season, the solution to your every frustration, and the key to joy unspeakable beyond your wildest dreams.

So what does it LOOK LIKE to love each other as Jesus loves you?

Sometimes it’s helpful to start with what it does NOT look like. To love as Jesus loves is to love differently than most of the culture you live in.

To love as Jesus loves is NOT quid-pro-quo, where ‘if you do this for me, I will do this for you.’ This love is not a 50/50 agreement. The love of Jesus gives and serves 100% NO MATTER WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS GIVING AT THE TIME. The love Jesus showed us was not dependent on us loving Him back. It was and is dependent on Who He IS and what Love does.

When your spouse is having a hard time, and not loving towards you, the LOVE OF JESUS will help you love them anyway.

Love is NOT a feeling. Pastor Kris Valloton says that Love is action that will EVOKE feelings, but it is not dependent on feeling. “Love acts and serves and gives to the other when you feel like it, and when you don’t!” So John, when Jasmine asks you to help her, and you’d rather stay on the couch, Love will empower you to get up and help her! And Jasmine, when you FEEL angry and hurt by something John has said or not said, or done or not done, LOVE will help you speak and communicate in a loving way, so that your feelings are not ruling you or calling the shots. Holy Spirit in us is the One who sheds abroad into our hearts the Love of God so we can love each other.

Love is NOT fair. There will be days when you have worked more hours outside the home and come home and are still in charge of making dinner. Love doesn’t keep score. In fact, Love tries to OUTDO the other in serving selflessly because it actually grows as we give of our time and energy; you actually are strengthened by Love as you give of yourself in love. And remember, there will be whole SEASONS in your life, maybe even YEARS, when one of you has to pull more weight than the other. It doesn’t matter. Love doesn’t keep score. When the babies are crying, one of you will feed, and the other will work long hours THEN help with dishes, laundry, AND keeping the house clean. And the next season may be completely different. You’ll be fine, because Love is not fair, as – praise God – He doesn’t keep score or record of our failures – or efforts – He just keeps loving and giving whatever we need in whatever season we are in. You will, too!

Love does not remind the other of their past mistakes. Love never says, “I told you so,” or asks, “Why did you do that?” when it’s something that can’t be undone. Instead, Love gives grace, which is UNDESERVED kindness and favor; and you can only give grace when the other person does NOT deserve it, when they royally mess up, and when they didn’t listen to your good advice. That’s when you get to honor God by giving GRACE as He has given to you; ’cause when you didn’t deserve it, when you had really messed it up, He forgave you, and loved you, and removed your sins as far as the east is from the west. He actually remembers them no more. So because He does not remind you of your past mistakes, you have Love and grace to do the same for each other.

Love does NOT say everything that comes to your mind. Honest? Yes. Authentic? Absolutely. But being honest and authentic does not mean you have to say every thought that comes across your mind; in fact, be careful not to. First, we are to take them captive and make sure that thought is obeying Jesus and His truth about your spouse; THEN, if it is, you can speak it! Love knows that Words have the power of life and death, so you have the great privilege every single day to bring your spouse LIFE, and the great responsibility to remember what power your words carry. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry…” “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but ONLY that which is helpful for building others up, that it may encourage those who listen ACCORDING TO THEIR NEED.” You can let out any of those angry words with God, first, then you can hear and see which ones you need to take captive. You would never let harm come to your spouse from someone else; stay alert each day and don’t let death or harm come out of your own mouth. Last thought: Love is not sarcastic, but sincere, so have fun and tease each other, but ALWAYS know where the line is. Love is never mean. And don’t forget, Jesus is THEE Word, and -as Dad’s favorite song says, every word He speaks is life to me…..and covered in Love to you.

SO, what DOES it look like to Love each other as Jesus has loved you?

“No greater love has anyone than this: to lay down your life for your friends.”

When you say, “I Do!”, you want to be thinking, “I DO lay down my life for you! I GLADLY lay down my life for you for I love you and your life even more than my own.”

Think about how Jesus loved the Disciples he gave this command to: He told them this just before he was betrayed, rejected, and pretty much stabbed in the back by one of his closest friends.

Jesus loved them when they betrayed him. He loved them when they rejected him, denying they even knew him. He loved when they abandoned him at the time he needed them most, when only John came to the cross. He loved them when they kept asking the same questions over and over, when they just didn’t ‘get it’, and he lovingly kept teaching and modeling in patience and love. He loved them when they were selfish and wanted to be important. He loved them when they got scared, even though there was no reason to fear when he was with them. He loved even the men who put him to death, cut him with whips, and mocked him while he hung on the cross for them. He loved them by praying for them, “Father, forgive them. They do not know what they are doing.”

Therefore, YOU can now LOVE each other when you feel betrayed, when you feel rejected, when you feel your spouse temporarily abandoned you when you needed them the most. You have a supernatural love when your spouse forgets things, doesn’t get it, or doesn’t understand what you are going through. John, you can Love Jasmine even if she is acting selfish or feels afraid for no seemingly logical reason. And Jasmine, you can Love John even when he hurts you or seems to be mocking you. You can both pray for each other and forgive each other, ’cause sometimes your spouse won’t even know what they are doing.

None of us loves perfectly, for we are still being perfected by Love. But all of us have access to a SUPERNATURAL LOVE – meaning, it’s not natural. Meaning, it will enable you to LOVE when you seriously couldn’t on your own! It’s just so healthy to realize your spouse will not get it all right, they will make mistakes, and they will even hurt you – even when they don’t mean to. So, my heart for you today is to DECIDE to LOVE, commit to LOVE now. Let God’s love for you empower you to LOVE even when it gets hard. Don’t be shocked when the other messes up & forgets who they are for a minute. If you can nip any expectations of perfection in the bud now, you won’t be as surprised or think something has gone terribly wrong. Love is ready for the broken times. Love is prepared. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” He Loved us and went before us before we even knew we needed it!

And the FUN part about love? Loving each other as Jesus loved us actually brings JOY!!! And not just any kind of Joy, but the real deal! Jesus said this, “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me! Remain in my love! When you obey my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that YOU WILL BE FILLED WITH MY JOY! YES, YOUR JOY WILL OVERFLOW! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life…” John 15: 9-13

We love you two!! We bless you with the secure JOY of truly knowing how much God loves each of you, how He adores you, and is faithful to you always! Then we bless you to LIVE in this love and REMAIN in this love, so you can live and love FROM this love every day of your life!

Happy Marriage!

“Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. Love never stops loving.” I Corinthians 13: 4-8 TPT