“Miss Lori, can we borrow you for a minute?” and so I followed my Trio of girls past the bride & groom, through the wedding crowd, to a secluded room in the back of the church.  These sweet girls whom I’ve been mentoring for nearly 15 years, since they were in 7th grade;  now here they were, all grown up, all married a few years, and though two lived in different cities, we remained close in covenant – these spiritual daughters of mine.

As soon as she closed the door, I knew.  It was happening.  And my knees buckled just a little with excitement… and the squealing began before she could even get it out!!!  “AHHHHH!!!  Are you?  You are, aren’t you?!!   I can’t believe it!!   When are you due??  (enter tears, more squealing, overflowing joy)  “Wait!!  What?   Me, TOO,” said another one!  (And yes, we discovered that night that these two were due four days apart!!)   Wasn’t it just yesterday they were telling me which boy they liked at school, telling me who was mad at whom, and making lists of what they hoped their future husbands would be like?  Wasn’t it just yesterday when they asked, “Do you think he’s the one?”, then asked us to do their premarital counseling … now here they were, one already a mom and two with brand new babies on the way.

Today as I type this, there are two new babies in the world, one born yesterday afternoon, one born this morning at 5:30 a.m.  Two of three best friends since 7th grade, now laboring within 24 hours of each other. Co-laboring with God to bring new life, new seasons.    New families.

And I lift up my thanks and lift up my prayers, “Oh, Father, bless them and strengthen them.  Help them not only today, but in this world we live, to raise these children in joy and wisdom; and love them well… ”   

You may not have children. You may not be married. But if you’re in the Family of God, you can be a mother or father or a daughter or son. You are in the Family, and each of us has a role to fulfill.

The Trio and I started in a little office in a little church when three little seventh graders were upset about something someone had said, and one was crying pretty hard. (= a daily occurrence when you’re in seventh grade.) I was known as ‘Miss Lori’ back then, their worship leader for a family ministry we did together called KidStuf, so I asked if I could just pray for them? And we opened the bible, and read what God said, and one of them exclaimed, “This is amazing! It’s almost like God is speaking to us right now!’ And He was. And I smiled. And I listened and we prayed. And they said, ‘Can we do this again next week?’ And we did. And we continued. Week after week. Year after year. And that was 15 years ago. And we haven’t stopped.

And I learned that young teens need a place to just be and talk and share and have someone care enough to just listen. (Or maybe that’s all of us at any age…) I learned that even in the best of families, our kids will need other voices to speak into their lives as they grow, when they’ve heard it all from mom and dad, but might need another Mentor who could come alongside. Our boys did.

Enter the Family of God. Where all our families come together to become one bigger Family where God is Poppa of us all.

And if you have been born again, you have not been born into isolation. You were ‘born’ into a family: the Family of God. You now have brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers all around you. You are not alone. You belong. And you have a place. You have others you can turn to. You have others who need you. You may look around and see someone younger than you who just needs someone to sit with them, listen to them, and help them hear what God is saying.

Going to church is great, worshiping together is a joy! Studying the bible feeds our souls, and going to classes increases our understanding. But when Jesus showed us how to ‘make disciples’, he made HIS disciples with three words: “Come with Me.” Jesus showed us that the Life He came to give us is found in RELATIONSHIP, not religion. More is actually caught than taught. He taught us that God is Father and His greatest desire is to be WITH us. Jesus modeled that disciples are made as we invite others into our lives, into our hearts, as family.

I had no idea that children not born to me could become so dear to me. I found that the more we shared God’s love together, the more we felt God’s love FOR each other. We decided to commit to each other to be there for each other, through the good, the bad, and the ugly. For this is what Family does: it stays the course. It sees it through. It doesn’t throw in the towel when things get hard or you make me mad or you move to another state. Family knows your weaknesses and loves you the same and covers over a multitude of sins. Family celebrates your joys, and cries with you in your sorrows, and goes & gets the kleenex before the conversation even begins. Family recognizes your hard seasons, believes the best when you don’t, and reminds you who you are when you have forgotten. Family relationships are Covenant relationships: it doesn’t depend on the faithfulness of the other, but on yours to them when they need it the most.

This is the way our Father has loved us. And His greatest desire and commandment is for us to love each other the same. In today’s world, many have not experienced the kind of family that we had hoped we would. Many have never felt the Covenant Love that never leaves you nor gives up on you and is there for you no matter what. But today is a new day. Today, may you be reminded that you are not alone. There is a Father who does love you this way. His Covenant to you never changes: He’s in it for the long haul! And He has a family He’d love for you to come home to: where you will find that you are loved and you belong and you matter more than you could know.

And if you have HAD this kind of family? If you have had someone pour into you in your life? Give thanks. In the Bible, Paul poured into Timothy, his spiritual son. Moses mentored Joshua and took him wherever he went. Elijah took along Elisha, and passed on his mantel when it was time to go home.

Who are you pouring into? Who around you needs an older brother, sister, mother , father, or mentor to come alongside? You may even still be looking for someone to be this for you, but you don’t have to wait… begin pouring. Begin inviting, ‘Hey, wanna come?’ Begin listening, and caring, and sharing what you know of the Father and His love.

Today, two new lives have been born into the Family. It’s crazy how my heart loves them already. I am praying today – already- that they will know Father, they will have godly friends, and that when they need it the most, someone in the Family will ask them, “Hey, wanna come?”

“These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure;” Titus 2: 4-5

For our 30th Wedding Anniversary, we got to go to Switzerland and Austria.  Yes.  It is.  Unbelievably beautiful.   Like, it was the trip of a lifetime.  Magnificent!  Breathtaking!!  Wonderful in every way.  We are still reveling in the beauty of it and thankful for the blessing of it!

Of course I took about a thousand pictures… eventually, Steve asked me to just stop!  LOL.  There is just no way to truly describe how wonderful it is…  but pictures helped!  We showed our kids and our friends and family:  ‘Look how amazing!  These pictures don’t even do it justice!’  And our kids caught the vision:  they would love to go someday as well!  They’ve tasted and seen….

God is like this.

He is so magnificent, so vast, so loving and so amazing that there are no words to adequately describe Him.  What He has planned and purchased for YOU AND ME to EXPERIENCE and live in and enjoy with Him is so incredible that ‘No eye has seen, no ear has heard … the things God has prepared for those that love Him.’

But a picture might help.   It might give us a glimpse.  So God sent a picture.

He created Family.

Family is a picture of God the Father and the kind of relationship He wants with you.  And me.  With all His children.  No matter who they are.   No matter who you are.  You matter.

When Jesus taught his disciples (& us) how to pray, he said, “Pray to your Father …  ‘Our Father , who is in heaven . . .'”

Jesus came to reveal that the God of the Universe is a FATHER.  He doesn’t want us to come to him as Master & we his slaves, nor Sovereign & we merely his subjects;  he wants us to call Him Father.  Know him as our Father.  Talk with Him and receive from Him as Father.

Jesus came to reveal how perfect and how loving our Father really is:  that He would come to rescue and save us by sending His only Son, who would actually give His life for ours, so that the rest of us children could be adopted into His family and live with Him now and forever in our heavenly home.

“So I kneel humbly in awe before the Father of our Lord Jesus, the Messiah, the perfect Father of every father and child in heaven and on the earth.”  Ephesians 3:14-15  TPT

I had always heard that God was my Father.  As a young girl, I felt His love.  But until I became a Mom, I had no idea what kind of LOVE a Parent, or Father, could feel.  The first time I held my baby boy in my arms, and looked into the face of one so small, so miraculous, so MINE . . . my heart exploded.  This small one – this precious baby boy – born from the love of his dad and me, born of our own DNA, conceived and grown and born from WITHIN me… this one stole my heart.  And I’ve never wanted it back.

From that moment – that second – I knew that I would give my very life for this one.  I knew that I would move heaven and earth to protect him, to nurture him, to teach him, to be there for him.  There is nothing I would not do for this son of ours… and he hadn’t done one thing for us.  He hadn’t spoken one word or accomplished one thing.  He had done absolutely NOTHING to earn my love;  I loved him because he was mine.

And then it hit me.   This is how my Abba Father loves me.

And I began to understand.  And I began to be in awe.  And I have never been the same.

Your Abba Father loves you because you are His!   Not because you have done any thing for Him;  you could never earn His love for you;  He loves you simply because He created you and you are his child.

Here’s what gets me:  my love for our boys is only a ‘picture!’  My love for them  is the most overwhelming, explosive, furious love I have ever known, … yet I know it is only a PICTURE,  a small glimpse,   of my Abba’s love for me.   How can this even be?

Sometimes we learn things in our hearts that bypass our minds.  I only know that I have a Father who would do anything for me;  He protects me and nurtures me and delights in me and laughs with me and enjoys me and teaches me and is always for me.  He would move heaven and earth to be with me – He would even give His very life for me.  In fact, He already did.

And I am safe.  And I am loved.  And I belong.  And I matter to Him.

And so do you and so are you.  You are safe.  You are loved.  How you matter to Him!

Today, ask yourself, ‘How do I relate to God?  Do I call Him Father, and really see Him as MY Father?’   Then ask God this question, “Father, how do you see me ?   How do you feel about me?”    Then write what you hear Him saying.

“God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the written law.  Yet all of this was so that he would redeem and set free all those held hostage to the written law so that we would receive our freedom and a full legal adoption as his children.   And so that we would know for sure that we are his true children, God released the Spirit of Sonship into our hearts – moving us to cry  out intimately, “My Father!  You’re our true Father!”                     Galatians 4: 4-6   TPT

He pulled the little box out of his pocket and opened it for us to see.   “Mom & Dad, what do you think?  Do you think she’ll like it?”

And there he stood.  This little boy of ours, now all grown up.  Wasn’t it just yesterday that he was pulling rocks and shells out of his pocket?  Wasn’t it just yesterday we watched him take his first steps?  Now we were watching him take THIS STEP.  Stepping out.  Stepping into marriage. Starting his own family.

“Ohhhh!!!  It’s BEAUTIFUL, John!  It looks just like her,” and my joy and tears flowed freely together.  “Wow, John. You chose a good one, Son,” as Steve clasped his shoulder.

And our joy overflows and our prayers begin to rise, “Oh Father, bless them as they begin this journey.  Bless their marriage and help them love well.  Bless the foundation they are laying and building to begin a family of their own.”  

FAMILY.   This is where we are, this season of rejoicing and reaping and remembering.  This season of, ‘Wow, God.  How did you do this?  We have been so imperfect, made so many mistakes, and yet You have been so faithful to bring us to this.  This season.’    This season of realizing that this is how Family works – you pour out your lives to see them grow, and steady them as they learn to walk, and rejoice when they succeed and cry with them when they fall …  until the day they stand alone, and choose another to become one with, and they walk steady out of your home and into their own.  

Family.  It took me a few years to see it as Father does:  that while it ‘felt’ like we love them and raise them to simply see them leave us, the REALITY is it’s that they only ‘leave’ as a branch shoots out of a limb, branching out to become a new line of the Family Tree.  The old adage is true, we’re not losing a son, we’re gaining a daughter!!!    This is not subtraction, it is is multiplication!   

And it begins to hit us again:  this really matters!  It matters what we give our lives to, for it will multiply!  It matters what seeds we sow, for that is truly what we will reap.  It matters how we spend the minutes and hours and days while they’re young, for the culmination of those creates years. And sons.  And daughters. 

And though I’m looking at our grown son holding the little box, I’m suddenly seeing the nights we knelt by his bed, and read their bible stories, and clasped our hands to pray.  I’m seeing each birthday party that Steve would silence the joyful chaos long enough to gather the big family into a big circle, lay his hand on his son, and pray:   thanking God for who this young man was becoming, declaring the good things we saw God had made him to be, and asking Father’s blessing on his life for the following year.

Funny how fast those birthdays came.  And went.

Miraculous how God answered those prayers. 

Could it be – they really matter?   

We’ve come to believe they do.  They matter.  It all matters.  Because Family was Father’s idea, and Family Matters.

So as our sons are establishing their own new households and marriages, my Momma heart is spilling over:  and so I blog.

There’s so much I wish I had done differently!   There’s so much I’m so thankful we did!   There’s so much I want to tell them I’ve learned and that I’m praying for them and that God is able to do…  There is so much joy awaiting!  There’s so much that will be hard.     There is so much blessing in doing this Father’s way, and so much pain when we do not!   There is so much I want to say, so many insights I want to share…   poor kids.  Their mom ALWAYS has so much to share!

So I’ve decided to blog again, instead!  And if family matters to you, you’re welcome to join me!  I’ll continue to share about marriage – the foundation, of course; but we’ll also talk about being parents and raising families and why it matters and what Father might have to say about it all. 

So no matter where YOU are in the Family, whether son or daughter or father or mother,  maybe something shared here will encourage you, help you, and at the very least remind you that YOU matter;  for you have a Father who loves you, His child; who longs to help you grow, steady you as you learn to walk it out, celebrate with you when you succeed and cry with you when you fall.  This Father is the One who formed you and fights for you and remains faithful to remind you that you belong… for you are in the Family.  You truly matter.  

For family was Father’s idea:  and Family Matters.   

On The Porch  Video-Blogs can be viewed on my Facebook page or Instagram or InstaTV. @Loriorander!

I want to be thekindofwife that loves my husband well!  I want to bring him good,  be his partner in life, and lay my life down for him.   But today I was reminded:  I don’t just do this for my man alone;  I also do this for my King!

What if your marriage is for the King?

Do you remember the day you realized and declared that Jesus is Lord, and you made Him YOUR Lord?  Did you, like I did, gladly and joyfully surrender your whole life to this wonderful King?

Who IS this King of glory?  Jesus is the King that every heart longs for:  strong and mighty, faithful and true, loving and kind, all-powerful, and completely good.

“Then I saw heaven opened, and suddenly a white horse appeared.  The name of the one riding it was Faithful and True, (trustworthy, loyal, incorruptible, steady), and with pure righteousness he judges and rides to battle.  He wore many regal crowns, and his eyes were flashing like flames of fire… his name is called the Word of God.”  Revelation 19: 11-13 TPT     

In a world where we long for kings and presidents to rule with integrity and rightness,  how wonderful to remember that we live in a bigger Kingdom where our King is incorruptible = not corrupt,  unable to be corrupted!

“Following him on white horses were the armies of heaven, wearing white fine linen, pure and bright.  A sharp sword came from his mouth (His word) with which to conquer the nations, and he will shepherd them with an iron scepter. . . On his robe and on his thigh he had inscribed a name:  King of kings and Lord of lords.” Rev. 19: 14, 16

Who wouldn’t want a King like Jesus?

“O King of kings, they will all bow before you.  O King of kings, every nation will one day serve you.  He will care for the needy and neglected when they cry to him for help.  The humble and helpless will know his kindness, for with a father’s compassion he will save their souls.  They will be rescued from tyranny and torture, for their lifeblood is precious in his eyes.  Long live this King!

May there be ceaseless praise and prayer to him.  May all the blessing be brought to him.  Bless us with a bountiful harvest, with golden grain swaying on the mountain fields!  May the cities be full of praising people, fruitful and filled – So that his name may be honored forever!  May the fame of his name spring forth!  May it shine on, like the sunshine!  In him all will be blessed to bless others, and may all the people bless the One who blessed them…..   Faithful is our King!   Amen!”   Psalm 72: 11-17, 19 TPT

Today, we simply bless you to remember the One who has blessed you;  the One who is alone deserving of ALL blessing and honor.   May our marriages and families be faithful and fruitful and multiply the King’s rule and reign wherever we go.   May we love and serve as he has loved and served us.   May we rule and reign with him, bringing righteousness and justice where there is evil and selfishness, beginning with our own hearts, our own marriages, and our own homes.   May the King be honored and blessed by the way we honor and bless each other, even as our King Jesus has said, “This is my commandment:  that you love one another as I have loved you.”

For the King!  And His Kingdom!

I was folding laundry, flipping through the channels on TV, and came across Disney’s latest version of Cinderella.    Honestly?   It was SO GOOD!!!

Maybe it’s because it was not the animated version, or maybe it’s because Steve wasn’t home to make fun of me or the girl who talked to mice,  but really I think I loved it because of its theme:  Kindness and Courage.

This rendition begins a little earlier in her story, when Cinderella was little and lived the most happy life with her mother and father.  But when her beloved mother is taken ill and is about to die, she draws Cinderella close and whispers with the warmest of smiles, “Promise me, Cinderella, two things:   Always be kind.  And always be courageous.”

Ah~  This makes the rest of the story make so much more sense!  This makes her patience with her evil step-mother and step-sisters take on a whole new meaning!  Throughout their verbal abuse, taunting laughter, and treating her like their slave, you could almost see the internal battle and the ways that Cinderella made conscious choices over and over again to BE kind and courageous.

Even through her tears, even through her pain, she remembered her promise to her mother, and she chose to be kind.  And that took some serious courage.

I believe that Kindness is a lost art.

I believe that if all of us girls could take a simple lesson from Cinderella, our lives and our relationships and yes- especially our marriages – would be completely transformed.

I think if there were one thing that Steve would love more of from me, it would be plain and simple, old-fashioned kindness.   He has said as much:  “You would never talk to your friends or your girls that way.”   And he is right.

Why is it I think it’s ok to ‘let it out’ on the one whom I love the most?   Why do I seem to forget that he deserves not only my respect but the same kindness and consideration that I would give to others?   In fact, why wouldn’t I want to give to the one I love most THEE most grace and kindness that I possibly could?

Steve & are dabbling in managing a few vacation rentals.  It sometimes makes me a little uptight as there are a lot of details, scheduling, people depending on us, and I’m often fearful we’re going to forget something, or mess up someone’s vacation!  A few weeks ago, my worst fears came true when we realized we had double booked not one week at a lakehouse, but two!   Everything in me was shouting, “I knew it!  This is what I was afraid of….  ” and the old me would have taken out those frustrations and fears on the guy who didn’t mark the weeks on MY master calendar as ‘Rented’.   Maybe I’m growing up, maybe realizing life is short…. but this time, we just looked at each other, and began cleaning up our mess.   No blame.   No ‘should’ve’ statements.

Not reacting emotionally is kindness to our men.

“A kind answer turns away wrath.” Proverbs 15:1   It stops silly arguments in their tracks.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as in Christ, God forgave you.”   Ephesians 4:32               Kindness brings reconciliation.

“Kind words are like honey- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”  Proverbs 16:24 NIV   “Nothing is more appealing than speaking beautiful, life-giving words.  For they release sweetness to our souls and inner healing to our spirits.”  Proverbs 16:24 TPT

Kindness brings healing.   It brings sweetness to the soul.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”  Colossians 3:12

Kindness is the best of all clothes in our wardrobe.  We are knock-out attractive to our men when we clothe ourselves with kindness.

Kindness is the way my God has treated me.    It’s His kindness that leads me to repentance every time.  Not His nagging or His condemnation.  Not his shaking of the head or the heavy sigh.     Kindness could lead our spouses to change the way they think as well.

I believe kindness could change my marriage.

I believe kindness can change the atmosphere of our home.

I believe Kindness can really change the world.

It’s a lot like love, but it’s love with feet.   It’s putting action to God’s greatest command.

Kindness is often what love looks like.

We currently live in a kindness vacuum.  Our culture, at least that which is displayed in much of the media and news and lively discussions on Facebook, is void of old-fashioned kindness.    At times, our culture and we who are in it are just plain mean.

And here’s the kicker, we don’t realize how constant exposure to meanness actually infects us.  In a world where people just say whatever they think, all in the name of authenticity, have we forgotten how to be kind?

The good news?   We have been MADE kind by the Kindest of all beings.   The result of Him living in us, the fruit of His Spirit in us, is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness….   This means I can do this!   This means when I am kind, I am being the most authentic ME I can be:  I am behaving according to my original design!    I am most happy and content when I am kind.

Where to start?  I think kindness flows from a thankful heart.   I am so thankful God is so kind to me every day.    This needs to be my starting point.

I know Steve feels loved when I think ahead and serve him in some way that blesses him.  He feels honored when I assume the best about him and speak TO him in a tone that is kind.  And when we disagree, Father help me remember:      it is more important to be kind than to be right.

How about you?  What are some ways you can show more kindness to your man today?  (Or even to your children or co-workers or neighbors who drive you crazy?)  The way we speak, the attention of our hearts and eyes, planning something special ahead of time, looking for ways to serve and to bless…  and doing it all without complaining or arguing or feeling bitter…. but doing it instead with graciousness and thoughtfulness… it’s all kindness.

Maybe I’ll buy the Cinderella DVD & just watch it every now and then  to remind me!  Based on the way she was treated, Cinderella had pretty good reason to react in kind,   but instead ,  she re-acted in kindNESS.    She didn’t return evil for evil, but overcame evil with good.

May we girls thank God today for the men in our lives.   May we let the kindness of God’s love soften our hearts again till we long to be kind in all things, whether our man is being kind or not.   Whether he deserves it today or not.

I want to be more like Jesus.   And after watching the movie, I think I want to be more like Cinderella, too!  I believe there are happy endings for those who are, by nature, kind.

I cried when the movie was over.  As she and her prince are walking away into the sunset, she turns back to her evil step-mother and says these words,  “I …  forgive you.”

And the voice-over man says in the most gentlest of voices, “And Cinderella continued to see the world not as it was but as it could be – if you only believe in kindness and courage.”

Ask our kind Father, “How, specifically, can I show kindness to my man today?   And, Father, how can I make it a habit and become thekindofwife that is kind?”

Steve and I love a good thunderstorm!   To watch the sky light up with streaks of lightening and see the trees literally bend and bow down under the power of the wind;  to hear the rain beating on the roof with a deafening roar…Beautiful!   We love a good thunderstorm.

IF we are inside, of course.  Forget all the above if we are OUTSIDE, in the elements, being drenched and blown and blinded by it.   No way.  Then it’s no fun at all.

It’s beautiful only if we are safe inside.

Steve will often say, “Isn’t it amazing that we can be protected and safe and dry while the storm rages on outside?  Isn’t it amazing that this house, this structure, allows us to experience the storm from a safe and protected place?”

Every marriage experiences storms in this life.  Maybe you’re in one right now.  You may feel blown and blinded by the winds of adversity and unexpected trials that you never saw coming.  You may feel like you are  drowning under the deluge of constant arguing and endless bickering, weary from the waves of disappointment that continue to roll over you.

If so, we just wanted you to know:  there is a safe place where you can find rest and shelter from the storm.

“My God is my rock, in whom I find protection.  He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.  He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me.”   2 Sam.22:3

“God, I’m crying out to you!  I lift up my voice boldly to beg for your mercy.  I spill out my heart to you and tell you all my troubles.  For when I was desperate, overwhelmed, and about to give up, you were the only one there to help… ”   Psalm 142 TPT

Jesus has come into our storms and become a place of shelter for you and me.  “And my Father will love you so deeply that we will come to you and make you our dwelling place…  Remain in life-union with me, for I remain in life-union with you…  Now remain in my love.”  John 14:23, John 15: 4, 9 TPT

Jesus is our true Home, our Shelter, the place He invites us to live every day:  in Him , in His presence, and in His love.  From this place, we have an inner peace, a constant source of joy and security that the storms of this life cannot touch.  He becomes to us like a safe-house in the storm, where we are secure and protected from the elements of a marriage storm.

From this place of safety, we can see more clearly where the storm has come from and how our spouse has been beaten and blown by it as well.  From this place of peace, we can offer an open door of reconciliation where your spouse feels safe to come in from the rain, peal off their wet layers of self-protection, and dry off in the warmth of a supernatural love and acceptance.  From your secure place in Jesus, no longer afraid of the storm that is raging outside, you can extend the kind act of forgiveness and grace, so that your spouse has a place to sit down, take a deep breath,  and talk it over.

Sometimes the pounding rain around us is so deafening and the storm so blinding that we forget we can step out of the storm into a safe place.   We bless you today to come in out of the rain and find the One who offers you the safety of His love and acceptance, no matter what storm you’ve been through.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and have heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”   -Jesus

Recommended song for a stormy day:  “Come to Me”  Jenn Johnson.

Application:  Pour out your heart’s troubles to the One who is a safe place.  Ask Him, “Father, show me how to enter into the safety and rest of Your love.”   Then listen.

Last, ask Him, “How can I become a safe place of peace, free from condemnation, to which my spouse will want to come?  How can I offer my unconditional love and acceptance in a way that invites them to come in and rest and take a reprieve from our storm?”

I’m reading a book about people who have had near-death experiences, but return to us here on earth to share about the Heaven they have seen.   When they see Jesus, there seems to be one question, often the first question, that He asks most every person who was interviewed.  Wanna guess what it is?    “How well did you love?”

Of all the things I am longing for in life, I want to be thekindofwife  who loves well.

Husbands and wives, there are many good things vying for our time and attention;  we want to be successful parents, successful in our jobs, successful in life.  We want to have successful marriages, successful kids, beautiful homes, good friends, and even fruitful ministries.

But at the end of life on this earth, I am beginning to understand there will only be one thing that will have mattered.

How well did we love?

How did I speak to my best friend today?  Did I take time to stop what I was doing, look him in the eye, and tell him I’m so glad to be his wife?   Did I remember that he is more important than the task at hand or getting there on time or the latest thing that needs fixing?   Did I remember that whatever life throws our way, it’s how I treat him and speak to him and honor him and cherish him in the midst of it all that matters most?

How well did you love today?

“Love is large and incredibly patient.  Love is gentle and consistently kind to all.  It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else.  Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance.  Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor.  Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense.  Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong.  Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others.  Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.  Love never stops loving.”

I Corinthians 13: 4-7 TPT

(If you want to take the “How Well Am I Loving?” test, read again or write out the above scripture and replace the word LOVE with your name.)    (However you ‘score’ on the test, finish today by inserting Jesus’ name in the place of Love, and know that this is how He loves you, and therefore, how you can now love your spouse because Love lives in you to do just that when we ask Him!)

“Until then, there are three things that remain:  faith, hope, and love – yet love surpasses them all.  So above all else, let love be the beautiful prize for which you run.”          I Corinthians 13:13 TPT

“I’m not mad at YOU!” I shouted aimlessly at him.  “Then why are you YELLING at me?” he shouted back.  “I DON’T KNOW!  I just need to …. I’m just…  FRUSTRATED!”

Guys, if your car starts making terrible sounds and you can feel a shaking in the steering wheel, you know something is wrong.   Your next move is to probably take it through the car wash and see if that takes care of it.

Or not.  NO!  Nobody in their right mind would think that getting it washed on the outside will fix what’s going on under the hood.

Guys, if your wife comes in the room making terrible sounds and you can feel a shaking in the air and in the ground under your feet and you can see that SHE is shaking all over, including maybe her fists;  something is definitely wrong!  But guys, you can’t take your wife through the exterior wash of words like, “Calm down.   It will be fine.  Get a grip.  You’re over-reacting….” and expect it to wash over her and fix the issue.

No, this one can’t be fixed with the washing of rational words;  there’s something wrong under the hood.

This one is needs an inside job.

Girls, this goes both ways.  If your husband starts making terrible sounds at unexpected moments, then possibly makes no sounds at all when he’s supposed to be ‘running smoothly,’  something is up.  You could try to remind him what you both heard in the sermon on Sunday, but your words  may not be getting in to where the problem is.  Berating him with questions like, “What’s wrong?  Are you upset?  You’re mad at me, aren’t you?  What did I do this time?”  is a bit like taking your car through the car wash and expecting it to fix your engine.

Something is wrong under the hood.  This one may require an inside job.

Your heart is the engine of your life.  “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”  Proverbs 4:23  NIV.   If there’s trouble in your heart, it will affect everything else in your life.

“So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are.  Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”  says the same verse in the Passion Translation.

Guys, can you tell something is wrong with your girl?  Has she just snapped at you again for really no good reason?  Is she ranting on and on about how hard this is, how bad the kids behaved, how unfair life is….  It could be those are just her symptoms.  You need to check under the hood:  what’s going on in her heart?  What’s at the root of all this noise and shaking?  And girls, we need to help them with this.  We can’t keep driving and just ignore the problem.   We gotta pull over and look deeper.  What’s going on under the hood?

Or maybe the question might be, “What is troubling your heart?  What has caused you to be afraid?”  For me, fear is most often the root.   So looking deeper to see what I’m really afraid of is a good way to start: what’s REALLY wrong with the engine?   It’s usually not something I can fix on my own.  And neither can you.

We’re going to need a Master Mechanic.

At the time of their worst nightmare, when His disciples had just been told the news they feared the most – that He was leaving, and would be given over to be crucified and die – Jesus told them this, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, and trust also in me.”  John 14:1  NIV   

Girls, what is happening in your life that is causing your heart to be troubled?  What just happened before that outburst?  What are you thinking about and mulling over and trying to figure out?  What is keeping you awake at night because you can’t stop thinking about it, and worrying, and fearing…..

And guys, anxiety is no respecter of persons or gender:  What’s happening at work right now that has your stomach in knots.  What’s going on with the finances that feels like it’s overwhelming with no solution in sight…..

Jesus is encouraging you and your spouse and all of us:  “Don’t worry or surrender to your fear.  For you’ve believed in God, now trust and believe in me also.”  vs.1 TPT

This made no rational sense to His disciples, and sometimes makes no sense to us!  How can I not be afraid when it looks like…. How can I NOT be troubled when this is happening?   And Jesus knows.  And he says to us what he said to them:  “Do not let…”

Notice we have a choice.   We get to decide.  We are not powerless.  “Don’t LET your heart be troubled….  Don’t LET IT….”    We get to decide what our hearts be-come.  And we usually become what we behold:  What are we focused on?

“Don’t worry or surrender to your fear…”  Meaning, we must have the ability to NOT surrender, to remain free from fear, or He would not ask it of us!

But HOW?  How do we keep our hearts from fear?  How do we guard them above all else?  You can’t just STOP feeling fearful…  we need to START feeling something else, something even more powerful than fear: “You’ve believed in God, now trust and believe in me also.”

We need to choose something in PLACE of,  INSTEAD of fear:   We are to TRUST.

Trust is more powerful than fear.  But trust is not something you muster up;  trust is the result of something… trust happens when…    Well, Wm. Paul Young says it best for me:

“Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know that you are loved.”  (The Shack, pg.100)

Jesus is asking us to trust Him because He loves us more than we can know.  He is asking us to BELIEVE Him and His great love for us, not only because he TOLD us, but because He proved it with His very life….

He told his disciples, “I’m going to prepare a place for you!  … so you can be where I am!…  I promise that I will never leave you helpless or abandon you as orphans – I will come back to you!  … And I will passionately love you in return and will manifest my life within you!”  John 14: 2, 18-21

Husbands and wives,  Jesus loves us and wants us to BELIEVE and TRUST his love!  He died and rose again to defeat death and fear and any evil that causes us to fear.  He has promised us that whatever we are facing, He is greater, and we can trust Him with our very lives and every detail of them.  His love is so great that even when very real troubles come, we can know that He has overcome them and will redeem (buy back for us) anything those troubles may steal from us.  He will never leave us and has ultimately made sure we will be with Him forever: safe in Him.

Our fears reveal what we believe = what we are trusting in.  Most things that we fear never even come to pass  (Fear is a Liar).  Yet we seem to ‘believe’ in those ‘possibilities’ sometimes more than we believe in the unshakeable, never-changing, faithful Love that is more real than anything.  Jesus is the Truth that we can trust, the Love that will never fail us.

We bless you today to pay attention to your hearts.  What is going on under the hood of your lives?  As husbands and wives, be looking deeper so you can pray more and fix less and let compassion help you ask the right questions.

Ask your spouse today, “How can I be praying for you today?   Are there any concerns that are weighing on you?   Will you let me know when something happens that causes you to be anxious or fearful?”   And we girls might ask:  “When I seem to be having a ‘breakdown’, will you pray with me and remind me that Jesus love is greater, we can trust Him, and I don’t have to let my heart be troubled!”

And when we realize that some deeper issues and fears have caused us to shut down or take it out on our spouses, may we go and ask forgiveness and ask them to pray with us about what’s really going on inside our hearts.  When we do, Jesus does this:

“I leave the gift of peace with you – my peace.  Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace.  Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts – instead, be courageous!”  John 14: 27  

My life has been transformed.

If I had to sum it up in one word?    Encounter.

Being with Jesus.  Jesus being with me.

It really is that simple.Maybe not ‘easy’ for us on-the-go, insta-everything, always talking to someone somewhere, anytime and most all the time …. girls.  But simple.

Simple = Hopeful

Your Father wants you to be free and know the joy of living in union with Him 24/7, 365, even more than you do.  Therefore, as any parent would when giving a good gift, He has made it quite doable,   quite accessible to ANYONE.  ANYWHERE.   ANY TIME.

My life has been most profoundly changed when I have been alone with Jesus, waited on Him, and He has graciously revealed himself, his overwhelming love for me,  and just how NEAR He really is.

The thing he tells me most often?    “I’m right here.”

That’s it.  When I see His kind face, and hear His joyful voice, and feel the peace that descends on me like a blanket,  everything changes.

All of a sudden, I see that He is everything, that he sees and HAS everything in His great plan of redeeming, and He has me, and He has all whom I love, and nothing is threatening Him and nothing is worrying Him,  and I’m Ok.    Everything really is Ok.

He is right here.

“I am the Vine, you are the branches.  Anyone who remains in Me (abides, lives, makes her home in, stays connected to) will bear much fruit…  As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.  Now remain in My love….”   John 15: 5, 9

“I will not leave you as orphans;  I will come to you….On that day, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you…..  The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them….   My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them…” John 14: 18-23

Jesus does live in me.  And in you if you have invited Him in.  Jesus HAS revealed himself to me…  over and over again.  And it has changed me, it has set me free:

I was at a Heaven Come Conference, worshiping Jesus in a large auditorium with thousands of others who love Him and live in Him and long for more of our lives to be lived with Him….  We were singing that most amazing-of-all-time song, “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God…   From my mother’s womb, You have chosen me. Love has called my name.   I’ve been born again into a Family, Your blood flows through my veins.  I’m no longer a slave to fear.   I am a child of God.”*

Something happens when you declare truth in the presence of Truth, agreeing with Him that it is true.  This may be a good definition of faith = actively believing Him.  And declaring it so that all can hear, including my own heart.

As we were singing, I saw this picture:  I was a little girl, caught in a whirlwind of worry and anxiety and real troubles and others’ troubles and fears….  when all of a sudden, my Father came and picked me up and held me close to Him as I wrapped my arms around His neck.   He was so much bigger and taller than the whirlwind He had rescued me out of that I could then turn and look back down on all of it.  And all of a sudden, I wasn’t afraid.   At once, I was just fine!   Papa had me.  I was safe, and quite secure.

But, of course, this is true!  When our boys were little guys, and we were out and about in new or scary situations, they were just fine as long as we were with them.  But if they looked around and couldn’t see us, they became scared, afraid they were all alone in the big & frightening world.   But- as soon as they saw me, or their Dad, they RAN to us, jumped into our arms, and everything was OK!   “Hey, Buddy!  It’s Ok.  I’m right here!”  At that point, they even had courage to turn back around and engage with whatever had scared them: the big dog, the crying child, the scary man.  It didn’t matter:  Dad’s here.   Everything is OK.

At that point they were even emboldened to be concerned for the crying child or the scary man who didn’t have a home…  Their own security made them want the OTHERS to be ok… and they would often ask, “Can we help them, Daddy?”   “Can we help them find their parents?  Can we buy that guy some food, or a house?”   Somehow, they had forgotten about their own fears and were able to SEE the others around them enough to want them to be OK, too.    This is what being our true selves will do for us:

“You split the sea so I could walk right through it.   My fears are drowned in perfect Love!  You rescued me so I can stand and say, “I AM A CHILD OF GOD!”*

And then, while in my Papa’s arms, still relishing the safety and security of being HIS child, He set me down, split the sea of trouble that had been in front of me, and (in my picture/vision) I called out to all those who were lost in the chaos of worry and anxiety and troubles, “Come on!  Our Papa is here!  Follow me!  He’s split the sea for us!   We have nothing to fear!   He will take care of it!”

That was over two months ago.  Nearly every day since then, I run and find Papa!  When the phone call is bad news, and the circumstances around me become scary, I run to find Him and he picks me up and lifts me above the fray and chaos of the world, and I find safety.  I can see again.   From this vantage point, I can see clearly how much bigger He is and how much He loves me and how nothing threatens Him or could ever compromise Him…. and I can look back at my troubles and fears and very real life and see it differently.  I have nothing to fear.  He is right here.  And I am free.

I am a child of God.

If you read the last few blogs, you know that I have ‘grown’ so much by studying and memorizing His word, being in fellowship with others and living in the light.  I believe in and practice all these things daily.

But of ALL these things, only one has brought me peace that passes understanding and joy that no one can take from me:   it’s actually BEING WITH Him.   It’s ‘fixing my eyes on things unseen,’ like His face, and sitting quietly while I ask Him questions and listen;  it’s soaking in His presence as I listen to a worship song… it’s putting the phone away and even my bible away for a bit, and just looking to Him.  Picturing Him.  Asking Him to speak to me…  and knowing He loves to!   I have come to find that He’s always smiling, always more than willing, always speaking and wanting to share His thoughts with me.  I’ve learned to take this relationship into the busyness of life and continue the conversation with Him while I’m also conversing with others;  learned to ask His thoughts on the matter -whatever is at hand.   He’s my dearest friend, and the kindest person I know.  His love has transformed me.   And I need the times when I just sit with Him and receive it.    He is not just any Papa.  He is the most loving, most powerful, most wise , and most just… and He is crazy about us, his kids.  He’d rather die than live without us, and He’d do anything to bring us home safely.  And, in Jesus, He did just that.

We are safe.  We are eternally and presently secure.

He is right here.

And we are His.

* “No Longer Slaves”, by Jonathan & Melissa Helser, can be listened to in its entirety on YouTube.  My prayer for you?  Let it play as you sit with Jesus, look into His eyes, and ask Him how he feels about you!   Then let your Father pick you up and just hold you.   Look with Him down on your greatest fears and troubles, and ask Him, “What are your thoughts on this, Papa?  How will you keep me safe?   How does your love free me in this?”     After you’re done, write what you hear Him saying.   You’ll want to remember!