“Love is patient. Love is kind…. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking…” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

There’s a scene in the movie, “You Got Mail” where Joe Fox and his girlfriend (not Meg Ryan!) are stuck in an elevator with two others from their apartment building. On their way to the elevator, Joe had been attempting to tell her about his difficult day; you could see his discouragement in his demeanor, his posture, but she wasn’t really listening. When the elevator stopped and stalled, she was the first to yell, “What the ….?” promptly interrupting anything Joe was trying to say. The two others in the elevator were frightened, but Girfriend was oblivious; she didn’t see. When Joe uses the emergency phone to calmly ask for assistance, she grabs it from his hand and demands they be helped NOW, adding a string of obscenities to drive home her insistance.

When minutes turned to hours of being stuck in the elevator, the two other residents begin to share from their hearts, “If I ever get out of here, I’m going to call my mom and say I’m sorry.” “If I ever get out of here, I’m finally going to propose to my girl!” But Joe’s girlfriend couldn’t see beyond the four walls of self. She interrupts their soul-searching with, “If I ever get out of here, somebody’s gonna pay! How am I ever going to reschedule my hair appointment?” Joe just stares at her.

I want to be the kind of wife that sees. Sees beyond my self and my own little world. I recently had lunch with a dear friend who works at the office with my husband. As she shared, I realized there was a lot going on there during this season. I began to realize all the demands and deadlines my husband was dealing with when he said, “It’s just a busy time.” As I drove home, Holy Spirit was gently peeling back the blinders to help me see: my man’s daily grind was an especially difficult ‘grind’ right now… And I began to see. I could see myself, as he came through the door each night, more concerned with “Hurry, we’re late to meet ….”, and “Could you fix the printer real quick”, and ” I forgot to tell you John’s car broke down…..” I was sweetly convicted that I had been quite short-sighted lately… forgetting that maybe he, too, had had a long day.

I want to be the kind of wife that sees what’s going on with my man, what’s happening in his heart, and how I might be a blessing to him. He may not be the kind of guy who shares how ‘hard’ it’s been lately… No, a good wife needs to be able to see sometimes beyond the words. I want to take time when he comes through the door to actually stop what I’m doing and look at him, greet him with a kiss, and offer him a safe place called home where he can set down not only his briefcase, but his burdens. I want to see ahead well enough to create a peaceful place where he can take a deep breath, decompress a little, and know that here he can just be.

Now I realize that when the kids are young and the mom-stresses are high, this may not happen every night! Sometimes all you can say is, “Here! Can you hold this one so I can actually go to the bathroom?” But seeing means I can get even the kids involved in this : “Daddy’s almost home! How can we surprise him and bless him tonight? Who will hang up his coat? Who will get him his drink? Who can turn on his favorite music?” And maybe seeing is multiplied. Vision is doubled for the next generation of wives and husbands. Even ‘clean-up’ becomes more purposeful: “Let’s make a beautiful place for Dad to come home to! Who can clean up this area here?” Seeing also realizes there are days when this just isn’t gonna happen, but seeing has vision for what could be!

I realize that without Holy Spirit in me, I can still be short-sighted and self-focused. But because Jesus lives in me, I can ask for His eyes to see my husband and love him well, according to his need that day. 1 Corinthians 13 reminds me that His love is not self-seeking, which means it must be looking out for others more. Be Thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart. I want to be the kind of wife that sees my man today and plans with greater vision to love him well.